My Own Work

My own work

I can write my own poem
Something I can call my own
Something I can be proud of
A work that can whisper my soul

In years my lips are sealed
That my heart aches in fear
In this poem I will reveal
What Dwells within.

What Dwells within?
No one knows but me
How pain consumes me
Even my friends can’t see

Years already passed
But it’s so clear in my heart
How pain turns me
Into someone I’m not

My heart crash once
Picking up is hard
But it also helped me
How to smile back

Now you have my poem
That whispers my own soul
Now I can say I’m proud
That this is my own work

Play

Kanina lang ay nanood ako nang play.. At habang naka upo ako kasama nang ilang college friends ko at nanonood hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili na ma alala ang mga panahon noong high school ako.. tuwing may play feast...Mga panahon na gumagawa ako nang sound effects.. yung time na nag pra-practice sila para sa play.At Habang naka upo at nanonood I can't help but to compare.. Yes magaling ang mga umaarte pero hindi ko mapigilan na icompara sila sa play na nagawa naming mga HIghschool noon.. Habang nanonood kasi ako sa tingin ko mas marami pang magagaling na play akong na panood noong highschool kesa sa napanood ko.. Sa Last part nang play habang kinakasal yung taong mahal niya na para siyang nababaliw meron akong biglang naalala yung part nung play namin nung 4th year... yung 1st transformation ni Dr. Jekyll... Kahit na ilang beses ko na nakita yung sa practice kinilabutan ako nung napanood ko na yun on stage .. at para sa akin one of the outstanding performance yun parang gusto kong mag tatalon noon.. Hindi lang ako ang nakaramdam noon kung hindi lahat nang naroroon.. napa tayo pa nga ang principal namin noon at pumapalakpak.. kita ko iyon dahil nasa likod ako doing my job as musical diirector..Pero yung dun sa babae wala akong maramdaman, kulang.. But then alam ko na may igagaling pa sila.. Habang na nonood din tinanong ko ang sarili ko kung kelan kaya ulit ako makakasama sa ganung production..kelan kaya ulit ang play.. kelan kaya ulit ako gagawa nanang mga sound effects.. Kelan kaya.. Ang Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde na ba ang huli.. haist...

Un-expected blog

Yeah unexpected blog.. hindi ko naman kasing plinano na mag sulat ngayon o mamaya o bukas sa dami nang ginagawa... Pero nang makita ko ang picture ko noong Highschool bigla akong nag karoon nang gusto na mag sulat.. Wala lang nakakatuwa lang... Kung paano na ibabalik nang mga picture ang mga alaala na unti unti nang nawawala sa isip ko... Kung paano rin na ibabalik nito ang mga masasayang alaala, mga tawanan, mga kalokohang di paawat at mga alaalang nag hubog sa akin upang maging sino ako ngayon..
Nakaktuwa... dahil sa dami nang mga ginagwa ko... nakakimutan ko na ang ilan.. But thanks to those picture unti unti ko nanaman naaalala ang lahat.. Ma Mimiss ko nanaman ang lahat.. muli nanaman akong hihiling sa langit na sana makita ko na ulit ang mga taong sobrang importante sa buhay ko.. mga tao na nag sisilbing kasiyahan ko.. yun bang makasama at makita ko lang sila masaya na ako... Pero kailangan mang yari ang lahat.. kailangan mag kalayo layo.. para masubok kung gaano ka tatag ang samahan, kung sino ang may mahinang paniniwala... Alam kong darating oras na muli kaming mag kikita.. alam ko darating yun.. Pero sa ngayon.. Kelangan lang munang ayusin ang mga bagay bagay sa sarili namin para pag nag kita kita kami mas magiging masaya.. dahil maraming kwento... :D

Letter for BM

I knew that day will come; I knew that day will happen and the days that we had, must faced its final bow. But during the times that we are together, during our happy days, those moments I love most, those wonderful time, those moments I pretend it will never happen and so when the day comes, when reality came in front of my face, when we needed to separated and be departed my world stops and start to fall apart and I keep on asking why.
Everyday I keep on questioning things around me, why things need to be that way and why we need to be separated. There were times and moments when I questioned God, why we need to be that way, why we need to walk on different path, and why He let me feel so much heartaches.
I felt so alone, no one was there for me but pain in my heart. Every day I cry for sadness coz I miss you, my heart is broken, a wreck, because you are not around. I need you like an air so I can breathe; I need you like water for me to continue from living.
A lot of changes that happen after we depart our ways and it hurt me a lot. I cannot do anything to help myself from hurting even I try to fight it or ignore it I won’t win maybe because what I had is a different kind of pain, pain that is hard to endure just like a cancer consuming my soul.
Copping up is hard to do, it is because I need to stay at De La Salle Araneta, in this place, our alma matter where we used to walked, we used to laugh, and we used to dream. Everything reminds me of what I used to be, what we used to be, our memories, something that I knew I can never bring back. And so every time I step my foot at the premises of the university it breaks my heart into pieces.
I am on my own and it so hard to accept that you were not around me any longer, my strength leave me, I felt so weak and no one was there for me but my own pain and our memories. Time passed, two years had already gone, and still nothing changes. I still have this pain; it became my companion, my best friend in two years. Good thing it helps me to move on somehow coz in two years it is the only thing that hurt me and it let me endure any other painful things around me.
No one knows how much pain I’m into or how much broken I am inside. My family, my friends they don’t even have a clue what I had. I continue living for two years just like a shadow that need to follow his master, like water that flows, like an air that blows. I pity myself somehow coz I felt like I’m the only one who felt such pain, pain that crushes my heart, seeing you happy and contented in your life makes me jealous, makes me miserable coz you can live without me but I cannot live without you.
I came to the point and I asked myself why I still have the same pain as before, why it hurt me every passing day of my living, why I still keep it deep in my heart, I asked myself if I deserve such pain. At that point I try look at myself and I see different person, I found someone far different from who I am. Pain turns me into someone who I am not; it turns me into someone I should not suppose to be.
I started to hate myself for what I saw and damned me for what I become because of my own doing, because I let the pain live in my heart . I came to the point, a realization that I need to fix myself, to heal the pain for my own good.
Help comes from within I remember that words that makes me realize that I should start to fix my puzzled heart, to pick up the missing piece of my life. No one in this world can help me if it will not start from me, no one can help me if I continue to close my doors from the people around. Certainly everything in life begins in me.
Life is good; I got the chance to figure out things that I need too. That there are certain things in this life that I cannot stop, something that I cannot change coz only God can. It’s not yet too late to overcome the pain, it’s not yet too late to stand up from my hard fall, it is time to climb up and be the person that I should be.
Rainy days are over; sunshine is starting show and I see hope. Today I should focus more on the now, the reality of life, fulfill the life we once dream of. What happened from the past, what happened to us is really part of life, people come and go. I am happy you came across, you made me happy, you made me laugh, you taught me so many good things in life and forever I’ll be grateful and thankful for all the learning’s that I gain from you. I love you and I will always do and forever you will always have a special space in my heart.
Soon enough I’ll be fine, soon the pain that I planted will be cut off, soon I can be a better person, soon I can face you and tell you this is me now, a person you can be proud of, soon we can laugh together about the past and make another moments to remember, and soon enough we can hold each other hand and never let it go.

Here I am, reminiscing time, it hurts so bad kasi alam kong wala na yun na tapos na yun, alam ko na hindi na mangyayari yun, alam ko na hindi ko na sila makakasama nang tulad nang dati at alam ko na masaya na sila sa buhay nila ngayon. Pero hindi ko ma intindihan ang sarili ko kung bakit ako nalulungkot at nasasaktan pa rin nang ganito kapag naalala ko ang pangyayari noon. Ang totoo ayoko na, ang totoo sawa na ako, ang totoo napapagod na ako, ang totoo gusto ko nang kalimutan ang lahat nang sakit pero hindi ko magawa. Masaya ako sa buhay na meron ako sa ngayon, sa mga taong nasa mundo ko ngayon dahil may mga tao na nag papasaya sa akin, may mga tao na tumutulong sa akin, may mga tao na laging andyan para sa akin at hindi ako iniiwan mga bagay na hindi nila magawa sa akin. Naaalala ko noon ang sabi ko sa sarili ko.. na magiging masaya ako kapag alam ko at nakikita ko na masaya ang mga taong importante sa akin pero mali pala ako doon dahil ang totoo magiging masaya ako kapag kasama ko ang mga taong importante sa akin at alam ko na isa ako sa dahilan kung bakit sila masaya.

Gusto ko nang sabihin kung ano ang nararamdaman ko pero hindi ko magawa dahil natatakot ako sa magiging reaksyon nila na baka hindi ang reakson na inaasahan ko ang matanggap ko.

Sa ngayon, dumaraan ako sa path na iba sa dinaraanan nila, pero sa kabila nang nararamdaman ko umaasa ako darating ang araw na muli dadaan ako sa path na alam ko na makakasama ko sila.

UNtitled?

Minsan sa buhay natin...iniisip lang natin ang sarili natin..kung ano yung nararamdaman natin at kung ano yung mag papasaya sa atin...minsan hindi natin na iisip na may nasasaktan tayo, meron tayong napapahirapan, merong nababaliwala na hindi natin namamalayan...malalaman na lang natin kung wala na sila, kung hindi na tayo importante sa kanila.. saka lang natin maiisip na nag kamali tayo, na nawalan tayo, nawalan tayo nang mga tao na kailangan natin. Siguro nga bulag minsan ang mga tao, bulag sa nararamdaman nang iba dahil ang mahalaga lang sa kanila ay ang sariling nararamdaman at hindi nang iba. Sabagay... lahat naman gustong maging masaya di ba?

Minsan na akong nag kamali, minsan ko nang nasaktan ang mga tao sa paligid ko, ayoko nang magkamali ulit, ayoko nang makapanakit pa. Ngunit mahirap mamili..

I hold my heart

I hold my heart
so that no one can touch
I keep it safe
so no one can harm

I know how it feels
when heart is torn apart
I know how it hurts
no one minds your heart

I once let it show
pain is what I face
SO now I try to hold
So no one can break