Ang mga pagbabago

S mga bwat araw n nag dumadaAN marmi aqng npa2nsin, mrami aqng nki2ta n nk2kuha s aking atensy0n, ngunit ewan ku b kung bqt kpag np2nsin ku n ang mga bgay2 prng may bumibigat n isang parte ng aking kal0obAn. Nk2lungk0t pero ito ang t0too.

June 9, 2009...

Ngay0n ay isang pangkaraniwang araw lng nMn, tUlad lng ito nga ibAng araw na mer0n sa buhay ko, pero mukhang nag kamali ako.

S parkingl0t kung saAn aq gling. Kitang kita ku ang mga btang nag si2laBaSan MUla s knikanilang service at s2kyan. NtUwa aqn biGla s nkita k0. N alala ko tUl0y katUlad din lng nila aq n0on. S bwat hkbAng k0 may mga alaALA N unti2ng BUMABaLIk s aking isipan ksaBy nito ang skit n unti2 ding nbu2hay s buo k0ng katauhan. Mraming tao n pamilyar para s akin mga tao n naging parte din ng aking nkaraAn at s tUwing nag k2BNga kmi s daAn isang ngiti ang ibinibiGaY Ku at gnun din cla. maY ilang estudyante ang pakalat kalat kung saAN2, MAY ilan n nka upo s bench, nag a2bAng, may ilang nki2pag kwe2han at may mga nag ha2NAp ng kanilang pngalan s bulitin. Npangiti aq sbay hwak s bAtok k0 dhil minsan s buhay k0 ay naging gnun ako. Pero ang lhat ay parte n lng ng aking muNting alaala. Parte ng aking nakalipas nkaramdam aq ng k2ibAng skit s kaisipan yun, parang may kuntsily0ng sumasak2 s aking puso ng mga oraS N Iy0n.
S s0brang dmi ng tao nka rmdam aq ng pakairita kya nag hnap aq ng lugar san aq mk2hinga. Nhanap k0h ang sRili k0 nka upo s l0ob ng vmes. Pero hindi aq nka takas s ingay nga mga estUdyante. N misS Ku ang gnung ingay. Isa na2mang ALAala ng nkaraan. Nakita k0 n bukas n ang gate s l0ob ng gradEskul niyg2 ku n ang mga kpatid k0h n pumas0k.

Mula s malayo kitang kita ku n ang bgong gwang building kya n excite aqng mka pS0K S d0oN indi p xia tp0s pero mki2ta m0 mganda ITo. Dhil s dmi ng tao hindi kmi nka daAn s entrance mismO ng bg0ng gwang building kya dumaAn N LNg aq s lumang gradESKul. 'maramingna Bgo' s isip k0h nkita k0h ang samb0ng,lagundi,lem0n grasS hbAng dumaDAaN S c0rid0r n iyoN s isip k0h niliPat n ang MGA dting nsa p.E buILdINg. Ng NKA rting aq s kbiLaNG DAKo NG pasilyo at pa2s0k n s bgoNg buILding. Hindi aq nag kmali ng santaha k0h maganda ang bg0ng gwang building. S bwat r0oM N nda2Anan k0 sinisilip ko ang l0ob. Bgo siGUro sa mata ko kya gnun ako.

Hai.. Ang dmi n tlagang nag bgo s paliGid ko at madami ng binago. Pero, paAnO AQ? Nag t2nOnG ang isip ko kung ako b ang nagbAgo,sila b ang nag bago o ang paliGid ko ang nag bgo. Pero n isip ko s bndang huli lhat cguro ay nagbgo at sumasaBay lng ang lhat s pagB2GoNG ngya2ri s paliGid.
Ang mga alaALA AY parte n lng ng nakaraAn kailangang sumaBay AQ s bAwat pag b2go n ngy2ri s aking paliGid. PaRa Hindi aq mag si2 s bndang huli.

bakit?

Bakit kaya ganun?
kahit anong pigil natin s ating sarili
hindi natin mapigilan na hindi ma alala
ang isang tao o mga tao.
siguro dahil may malaking parte sila
sa buhay natin
o dahil mahal natin sila
pero hanggang kaylan natin sila kailangan
alalahanin?
hanggang kailan sila mananatili sa isip natin?
Siguro hanggang sa matanggap na natin na wala na sila sa buhay natin..

One day

One day may nag tanong sa akin "Kamusta?" siyempre ngumiti ako sabay sabing "okey lng". pero habang nag lalakad ako palayo sa taong nang tanong sa akin, na pag-isip isip ako. totoo kayang okey ako. Feeling ko im a lier. kasi ang feeling ko hindi nmn talaga ako okey. Pero bakit kaya ganoon noh? pag tinatanong tayo sasabihin natin okey tayo kahit ang totoo ay hindi. Dahil Siguro mas madaling mag sabi ng kasinungalingan kesa ipaliwanag ang totoong nararamdaman natin..
Ano sa tingin mo?

One Sad Journal

There's no easy way of letting go of the things that we love and the things that we learn to love. its hard when the time comes that we need to let it go no matter how much we treasure it. But no matter how much we try to let it go, Memories exists and we cannot run from the shadow of it. And damn those memories. I irritably ask myself "Why memories do exists?” And this kind of question I ask over and over coz it hurts me continuously. I know I should stop dealing with the past. Stop looking for what I’ve lost. Coz it will never ever happen again no matter how hard I try and no matter how much I love it.
But the pain kills me. The pain makes me crazy. Im trying my very best to face the world around me. Have a smile to cover up the pain I feel. For them to know am strong enough to let go. But deep inside me, Im not.
There's nothing permanent in this world. I know. And I know before, that time will come that we will walk separate way. And the time we spend together would come to an end. And that time is now. It’s time for me to let them go. To give them up. But still I can't, not for now.
I cry for the memories, I cry for the pain, I cry for the times that we spend together, the time that I had them. I know they are not mine to be kept. I know they need to grow and discover the world on their own. And I should not be selfish to hold them so much. But holding them keeps me going, makes me alive.
I hope they see the pain, the worries, the heartache, the tears in my eye just to let them know how much I love them and how much I want them being at my side. But I don't want to let them see it. I don’t want to show it. I just want to keep it. Putting some mask in my face is better that explaining everything. The tears are the only explanation of what my heart cannot say. For any feelings that I have they are not the one to be blame coz there's nothing to do with them. It’s about me.
It’s been a year now. But I don't know why do I still feel this why. Carrying all the burden, alone. I still fixing my broken heart and broken soul. I still pick up the pieces of myself. But I wish I can end all of this misery to find myself again, to be myself again. But not for now I guess, maybe some other time. Coz at this very moment my heart still aches in sadness. I still feel the pain.
Maybe one day, I can say I FINNALY OVER THEM and I FINNALY MOVE ON. Maybe somewhere my journey I can look back not missing them. I can look back without pain. And I know I can do it. I know I can.

I have to let you go

eto ay compo ko last year 2008
hahaha
wla lng


Intro: A-G (3X)





I.

A

My heartaches

G

And I can’t avoid it

A G

No matter how I’ve try

A G

I feel so scared

A G

Don’t know what to do

A

I try to smile

G

So others won’t see

A G

But tears has already fallen





Chorus:





A E

So I have to let you go

D Dsus

And forget all the memories

A E

The days I spent with you

D

I must let it go

Dsus

I have to let you go





(REPEAT THE INTRO)





II (SAME AS THE VERSE)

I was hiding this feeling

And it pains me everyday

It left me a wound

And its still there





(Repeat I)

(Repeat chorus)

Tell me! :D

e2 ay compose song ko.. dati.. hahaha...

Title: Tell me

Years past like days
the cold wind is blowing on me
the road im walking throught
is same as before

can i walk back again
when i suddenly turn my back on you
can i walk back to you
and have your heart once again

Chorus
Please tell me you feel the same way i do
tell me you want me to be there for you
tell you want me to hold your hands
tell me you love me
tell me you want me
and never let me go

Day and Day I hesitant
If your love is real
so i walk away
to make it feel

can i still back the day
when i leave you all alone
can i still find a way
and share the love we always had

Chorus
Please tell me you feel the same way i do
tell me you want me to be there for you
tell you want me to hold your hands
tell me you love me
tell me you want me….

i just can’t explain
the things i’ve done to you
i know that i was wrong
and inside of me knew
this feeling is true
that i really love you

Chorus
Please tell me you feel the same way i do
tell me you want me to be there for you
tell you want me to hold your hands
tell me you love me(2x)
tell me you want me(2x)
and never let me go….

Ang tagal kong nawala

whew! :D
ang tagal kong nwala...
dahil ako'y nag bakasyon sa probisya.
sa lugar kung saan makikita ang MAyon.
masaya nmn ang aking pagbabakasyon...