Saturday, October 17, 2020

Saturday

The gloomy weather speaks 
While I'm sipping my favorite drink
Wondering how my day will be
If it will be just like all these years

The clock is ticking
Working how it should be
But sometimes I'm hoping 
It stops and let me free.

People walk back and forth.
Living the fast phase world
Are they feeling my yearning?
Or it's just my mind that is freaking?

I'm gone tired of staring
So I asked for my free refill
Maybe another cup of coffee,
Can make my mind at peace.

Saturday, October 10, 2020

Lost and Found

When you stare and look me in the eyes
You'll find the truth and all the lies
The words and hurt I kept behind my mind
And all the other things I wish no one can find

I tried so hard to keep the façade.
To make everyone satisfied, happy, and glad.
But every time I smile, it breaks me more in the inside.
Oh, I feel so lonely being surrounded by a crowd.

As time passed, I felt so tired to carry the mask
And it sparks an act of courage to put it down.
But when I saw the person behind all the act,
Then I ask, "Where is the girl I used to know and love?"

Memories keep flashing like rays of light
Confusion, anger, and sadness are raging inside
Why I let myself hide the truth and live half of who I am
Just to serve a master that never care enough

I feel my soul burned cause I lost a certain part
Although regret is eating me up deep down
I know that even if I'll try so hard, I lost her now
And there's no chance to have her back this time. 

So I'll move on to live in this judging world
To follow my path and live with my truth
And even if the world will go against my tide 
I won't let it stop me to set my wings and fly. 

Friday, October 2, 2020

Insomnia

It's hard to sleep tonight
Can't put my mind to rest somehow
Wondering how the day went by
Am I over thinking again tonight? 

Why is it hard to sleep every night?
To pull away from what has passed
Embrace the future and accept the solace
Oh, all I wish is just to sleep well tonight

I hope the darkness devour me tonight 
To fall deep down, away from the light
Let tomorrow be a mystery that will come upon
But just for tonight, let me have a good night. 


Friday, July 31, 2020

July

July is almost over, and I haven't posted anything yet. So, before the month ends, I want to post this.

This year has been a lot of things. And it's hard to explain how the past months brought so much in my life.

I saw myself shifting, growing, and evolving constantly. It's crazy, yet I can say that these things helped me to see things differently.

I am relearning everything I once knew in a different way. I am taking a brave step to get rid of people, drama, and negative thoughts that built up in my head. I am learning to trust, know, understand, and to love myself better.

This year is a reset, and it helped me to realize that I need to set boundaries and keep some people at a distance and maintain a circle that is understanding, accepting, supportive, and loving. And this is the path I created over the past months, and honestly, it wasn't easy. It was heart and mind breaking at first, but eventually, I realized that this path is much better than the other I walked through because, in this path, I let myself be vulnerable, authentic, and I prioritize what makes me happy and feel at peace.

But despite all the realization and learnings, I know, I am still a working progress.  I am still in a constant battle between who I was and what I want to be. I am still trying to embrace my flaws and mistakes, there are still a lot of whys and how’s, but right now, I know somehow understand that there are things that I don't have control over, there are questions and emotions that I must let go and hope that one day I find answers for those.

I am healing, and for that, I am happy, but I'm not going to say that everything is smooth and okay. I still make mistakes and messed up, I overthink, I still miss who I was and the people and things I used to have. But what keeps me going and stops me to walk back to the old path, is when I think about everything that I've through.

It took me a lot for me to see my value and to understand what I deserve. It took me a great effort to stop caring about all the voices around me telling me how I should live my life, and lastly, it took me a great deal of time for me to accept and love who I am and the person that I’ll become.

It was tough, yes, but I don’t regret anything because everything that happened shaped me to be a better person not just for others, but ultimately for myself. Everything that happened made me understand myself more. And knowing oneself opens the door for acceptance and forgiveness.

So, for now, I am turning my page, to be in the next chapter, ready to explore and to learn, not because I am forced to but because I know that I deserve it.

Wednesday, May 20, 2020

Parallel

I wish to write her a love song
For her to know that I love her
But instead, I wrote her a sad poem
And it made her sad all night long

I wish she knows that I love her
The way the moon loves her lover
But instead, I shut my door close
And let the breeze froze her gentle

I wish I could offer her the world
Because she owns a heart of gold
But instead, I gave her pain to suffer
And I need the universe to mend her soul

I wish I could stare at her dreamy eyes
And tell her it soothes my heart every time
But instead, I let tears flow like a river
And now I am lost in this cruel world

I know that I love her, I am certain
And she adores me like the sky above her
But love is like a wind that flows forever
And now I am in a deep misery without her

I wish I could play God and keep her
Because loving her is fun, and life is easy
But time past, I must face the music
I lost her, but I bitterly found me.

Saturday, March 14, 2020

Lonely Nights

It's late and I'm tired,
But I'm excited tonight
Coz I know I'll hear your voice
And everything will be alright

So I said my hello
When you picked up the call
But you said you're sleepy
And you can't talk

Some days I let it go
Coz this thing isn't new
But tonight I had enough
I don't think I can let it go

Is it too much to ask
To have a little talk every night
To share my thoughts about life
And how my day went by

I guess for you, I am so much
For the right person, I think, I'm not.
Should I start searching for the one?
Or you'll pull a string to keep me in your arm?

Thoughts

There is beauty with every pain
Strength for every sorrow
Truth behind every lie
Love behind every heartache

Lost Light

I saw you walk away from the light
You closed your eyes from the suffering of this life
I was left broken, lost and blinded
On how it means to be alive

Saturday, February 29, 2020

Mirror

Do not walk away from me my love
Rage against our ego and pride
Free ourselves from a historic fright
Go forth and conquer our dream life

Do not walk away from me my love
Step away from the shadow of thy past
Our innocent eyes deserve no frown
Be bold! And let's find our way back to light

Do not walk away from me my love
It will cost our peace and a million dime
Swim and dive into our deepest desire
Even if life turns like Wuthering Heights

Do not walk away from me my love
Let the chain of fear flow in the river of Nile
Liberate our heart to the weight of our mask
For us to finally embrace our dream solace

So, do not walk away from me my love
Let go of what-ifs and the judging mind
Be true to the tune of our beating heart
Hold on to me, do not let go I'm begging you, my love

Choice to change happiness

Things happened. I experienced tons of disappointment, heartbreak, and loss. I was unhappy even when I’m surrounded by a lot of people. So, ...