July

July is almost over, and I haven't posted anything yet. So, before the month ends, I want to post this.

This year has been a lot of things. And it's hard to explain how the past months brought so much in my life.

I saw myself shifting, growing, and evolving constantly. It's crazy, yet I can say that these things helped me to see things differently.

I am relearning everything I once knew in a different way. I am taking a brave step to get rid of people, drama, and negative thoughts that built up in my head. I am learning to trust, know, understand, and to love myself better.

This year is a reset, and it helped me to realize that I need to set boundaries and keep some people at a distance and maintain a circle that is understanding, accepting, supportive, and loving. And this is the path I created over the past months, and honestly, it wasn't easy. It was heart and mind breaking at first, but eventually, I realized that this path is much better than the other I walked through because, in this path, I let myself be vulnerable, authentic, and I prioritize what makes me happy and feel at peace.

But despite all the realization and learnings, I know, I am still a working progress.  I am still in a constant battle between who I was and what I want to be. I am still trying to embrace my flaws and mistakes, there are still a lot of whys and how’s, but right now, I know somehow understand that there are things that I don't have control over, there are questions and emotions that I must let go and hope that one day I find answers for those.

I am healing, and for that, I am happy, but I'm not going to say that everything is smooth and okay. I still make mistakes and messed up, I overthink, I still miss who I was and the people and things I used to have. But what keeps me going and stops me to walk back to the old path, is when I think about everything that I've through.

It took me a lot for me to see my value and to understand what I deserve. It took me a great effort to stop caring about all the voices around me telling me how I should live my life, and lastly, it took me a great deal of time for me to accept and love who I am and the person that I’ll become.

It was tough, yes, but I don’t regret anything because everything that happened shaped me to be a better person not just for others, but ultimately for myself. Everything that happened made me understand myself more. And knowing oneself opens the door for acceptance and forgiveness.

So, for now, I am turning my page, to be in the next chapter, ready to explore and to learn, not because I am forced to but because I know that I deserve it.