Ang paglayo.. sa ngayon

oo.. lumalayo ako.. umiiwas.. nag tatago.. nag iisip ako kung ano ang tama.. kung tama ba ang ginagawa kong ito.. kung may babalikan ba ako pag katapos nito.. matagal n din nung huli ko silang nakita.. ito ang ginusto ko.. ang lumayo sa kanila for a mean time.. siguro nag tataka ka.. o kaya ay nagu2luhan... hindi k nag iisa.. dahil ako mismo yun din ang nadarama.. ewan ko ba..

basta ang alam ko, gusto kong lumayo muna sa kanila...malaman kung gaano sila kahalaga.. kung gaano ako khalaga sa kanila.. gusto kong malaman kung sa pag layo ko b h2napin nila ako.. o kaya h2bulin nila ako..pag lumayo ako.. gusto ko rin munang ipahinga ang sarili ko.. ang puso ko n masaktan ng dahil sa kanila.. at hanapin din ang sarili ko ng wla sila.. ang maging masaya ng wala sila..

ito ang pag layo ko mula sa mga taong minahal at mahal ko.. paalam muna sa kanila.. pamaalam muna sa mga taong nag pasaya sa akin.. sa mga taong sobra2ng pinahalagaan ko... Paalam muna..

December XX, 200X

hai.. e2 n2mn ako.. writing.. d ko sure kung ano tlaga ang isu2lat ko sa moment n toh.. medyo magulo ang utak ko.. k2tpos ko lng manood ng "Sa Kanya pa rin" wel.. nk2 bitin.. :D :D :D

hindi ko tlaga alam ang isu2lat.. hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ako sumusulat ngayon... ewan.. para akong tanga.. hai..

sna may maka usap ako tungkol sa lahat ng nk2gulo sa isip at puso ko.. sana meron.. sana may maka intindi sa akin.. sana...

my past.. it hunts me.. p ulit2... masaya na ako... pero bumabalik sila.. hindi ko alam kung ano ang g2win ko...

... my old world...

Naging masayadong mahaba ang processo para sa akin.. para maging masaya.. dahil kinulong ko ang sarili ko sa sarili kong mundo.. sa mundo ng nakaraan.. at yun ang isa sa pag kakamali ko.. kaya siguro ganun kasakit ang lahat.. pero wala akong ibang sinisisi kundi ang sarili ko.. dahil ako ang nag desisyon na gawin yun.. hindi nila hiningi yun..

Pinilit ko ang sarili ko na lumayo sa iba.. maging m pag isa.. gawin ang mga bagay-bagay ng mag isa.. lumayo sa lahat.. mag isip-isip mag isa.. gamutin ang malalim na sugat n naiwan sa puso ko ng mag isa.. at sa tingin ko isa ito sa mga tamang desisyon na nagawa ko.. nakita ko ang lahat.. kung ano ang gusto ko.. kung ano ang magpapasaya sa akin... kung gaano ko ginugugol ang sarili ko sa pag hahanap ng sagot n wlang ibang taong makakasagot kundi ako...ang sarili ko.. masaya dahil may natutunan akong lesson sa ginawa ko.. naging masaya ako ng mag isa..

Pero may MGA gustong pumasok... s mundong na tutunan ko nang maging masaya.. kaya na takot ako.. lumalayo ako ngunit pilit nilang ginugulo ang mundo ko.. pilit nilang sinisira ang harang sa pagitan ng aming magkahiwalay n mundo.. hanggang sa tuluyan na silang nakapasok dito.. pero sa hindi sinasadyang pag kakataon ... masaya akong kasama sila.. totoong masaya.. pero natakot ako.. dahil baka hindi totoo ang lahat.. nabaka mawala din ang lahat.. ng tulad noon.. may takot man akong nararamadaman masaya talaga akong kasama sila at hindi ko iyon kayang ipagkaila.. kaya't tuluyan ko nang binuwag ang mga harang.. tulayan nang lumiwanag ang mundo kong ikinukbi sa dilim.. At doon ko muling natutunan ang maging masaya... makihalubilo sa iba.. at magtiwalng muli.. mag papasok muli ng mga tao sa aking sariling mundo..

Naging masyadong mahaba ang ginugol ko para marating ko ito.. at dahil sa talaga..maraming nabago at nag bago.. at wala akong magagawa doon.. siguro nga hindi n ako tulad ng dati.. pero ito pa rin ako.. meron mang nabago pero ako p din ito.. pero hindi ko masasabi kung ang pag babago ko bang ito ay may hindi magandang epekto sa iba.. pero para sa akin meron.. ang panahon na din ang nag dala s akin kung nasaan ako ngayon..

Marami akong natutunan... at hindi ko kayang isa-isahin lahat.. hahaha...
bsta ang alam ko masaya ako ngayon.. kasama ang mga taong tumanggap ng isa sa pinaka worst side ko.. sa mga taong nag labas sa akin s mundong binuo ko.. sa mga taong nag papasaya sa akin.. sa mga taong pag papangiti sa akin..

muli ko nanamang naramadaman ang maging masaya.. pero tulad nga ng sabi ng dadi ko

when you loose.. don't loose the lesson you've learn

.. kaya hindi ko kakalimutan ang mga natutunan ko.. muli man akong malungkot at mawalan ng taong mahalaga sa buhay ko.. pilit kong aalalahanin ang mga aral na natutunan ko.. pero sa ngayon.. i-eenjoy ko muna kasama sila.. magiging masaya muna ako.. at sana tulad ko maging masaya ka din..

love life..live life.. have a happy and wonderful life...
chao..

proj. ko nung 3rd year hs ako... hahaha

habang nag h2lungkat ako ng mga mails ko nakita ko itong aking proj. nung 3rd year hs ako.. wla lang.. gus2 ko lng i post.. n 2wa kc ako bigla ehh...
wla akong binago d2.. lahat ng mb2sa ninyo ay gawa ko 3 years ako... hahaha...

As what I have read the in the article from the Manila Bulletin written by DEONNALYNNE FERNANDEZ the article talks about poverty, the Filipino people, the government and the reasons why we experiencing poverty. And the articles also talks about who some greedy politician used their position to corrupt the money of Filipinos. Some what I realize that the articles that I have read are true. I remember when I was still a child my mother giving 5 pesos and I already have a lot of thing that I can buy in only 5 pesos but now I can’t even buy soft drinks and even pay jeepney fare because today jeepney fare is about 7.50. I agree with Deonnalynne Fernandez when she said to her articles that there some thing happing in the government, just like “Corruption”. But I am not accusing the entire politician, but there are some politicians that using the money of the people for their own goods. I also agree with the author of the article when she said that “…They wait for blessings to just land on their hands without putting hard work on it….” and I think it is true that there are people that just waiting for something even thought they are not working on it. I also agree with here when she said that “…sometimes the government also gets tired of trying to put things for the people. Like squatters, there have been some housing projects. They will transfer there and after a week or so they will again migrate to where they came from and sell their lands to others that don't have a house….” If ever I am also in the position and doing that thing I also get tired of it because they don’t even appreciate what I am doing. And what the housing project for if they just sell it and back to the squatters again. And this is what I agree most when she said that “…The Filipino also lacks discipline…” I guess it is really true because I my self lack of disciple too. There where times that I just throw my trash any where. But I think that this is what we should do that I agree with the writer that when she said that “… It is then obvious that there is no clear reason whether whom to blame in this poverty. But as everyone says, it is just a matter of unity and cooperation. Be one! Let us all act now, even from us alone, before it is too late!..” we should have unity and cooperation to each other so.

As a reader of the article I really believe for what she said because as my observation in my environment and for what I heard and read to news there is something going on the government that we should makes some actions. We should have unity and cooperation with one another and we should not work alone because if we unite everything will be better.



To my fellow student work hard, cooperate, and be we should be united because we are hope and future of our country.

bqt gnun...

nku.. bqt kaya ganun.. s twing hindi ako nag su2lat ang dami kong na i2sip isulat.. pero pag nasa harap na ako ng monitor ni wala akong masimulang isulat na kapakipakinabang... ka asar...

dahil wala akong maisulat mag kwento n lng ako..

December 2, 2009 ngayon and 5 minutes n lng may klase n ako... pero na sa skul n ako ahh... nasa cyberneta ako.. hahaha.. nag nag sound trip c kuya.. at lam mo ba ang ang song na naka play ngayon? MY SACRIFICES by nickelback (tama b spelling ning artist? hahaha) BAdtrip! ... Remember ko lng kc ito ang ginamit kong background music s ginawa kong slide show ng 17th b-day ko with BRO. MUTWALD... "I just want to say hello again..." hahaha.. kanta kanta pa ahh.. :D :D :D .... hanggang d2 n lng muna ang aking napaka wlang kwentang blog.. dahil.. m l8 n ako... 10:02 n.. hahaha.. so till nxt tym n lng ah.. :D :D :D ... badt3p c kuya ang lungkot ng soundd 3p kya mbuting umalis n ako.. hahaha.. ayaw ko mahawa s kanta.. by the way for the gift ang song.. pero inpernes.. i lyk yung song.. :D :D waaaaaaaaaahhhhh.. tae hanggang d2 n lng talaga 10:05 na...

HAppy shalalala... Its so nice to be happy.. shalalala...
tae... late na ako..

bye bye.. :D

Untitled

aun.. d p ako tpos d2..
mag post lng po ang may suggestion/s.. thanks.

Does anyone know the end of road?
Does anyone know the end of life?
Does anyone know how it hurts to be alone?
Does anyone know how to heal a broken soul?

And I wander what's the end of everything
If I haven't reach it after all these years
Maybe I will never know until I reach it
And whats the reason of questioning

But am I at the right way?
Am I seeking at the right place?
Am I saying the right words?
Or do I have the perfect world?

The light of road was so dim
Even the sparks of hope seems to be unseen
Life is never easy like it seems
Like an unending darkness that I see

I've been blinded by my own light
Another color fade to dust
This is not the life that I want
But this is the life that I have

The more step that I take
The more failure that I gain
This is not what my mind dream about
Nor what my heart's talked about

A lot of question was in my head
Does the answer lies in past
Or does is lies in end
Still, I don't know the answer yet

But my mind keeps on fighting
And my heart keeps on beating
Faith keeps running through my veins
IS this the end of my quest?

Does anyone know what I'm searching for?
Does anyone know what I'm waiting for?
Does anyone know the reason?
Does anyone knows? Does anyone wants to know?

Anu..

Ang daling sabihin na "Okey lang ako" pero mahirap gawin. ang daling ngumiti pero ang hirap maging masaya. Maaaring na guguluhan ka na sa sinasabi ko pero alam ko sa sarili ko na totoo ang sinasabi ko. Pwede mo ring sabihing nag dra2ma ako.. Pero ang masasabi ko sayo "Hindi mo alam ang nararamdaman ko!"

Ang tanong ko sayo "Kilala mo na ba ako?" Kung OO malamang alam mo ang dahil ng ito. Kung hindi naman.. Hindi ko rin alam kung paano ko ipapakilala ang sarili ko...

Siguro madalas mo akong makitang nakangiti.. o minsan ay narinig na humahalakhak... Pero sa tingin mo ba totoo ang ang aking pinapakita?

Gusto kong sabihin sa iyo na hindi ako lubusang masaya. Na May parte nang pag katao ko ang nag durusa. Hindi ko alam kung paano sasabihin o kung paano ko ipapakita.. Ang totoo kong nadarama...

my thoughts...

There is a part of me
That I felt so strange
A part of me that cannot be change
Something that I can't see,
Something that I can't change,
Something that I know its for real.
And this 'thing' is always here,
This 'thing' that I don’t know how to share.
So I pull it all back to my mind,
All the thoughts, all the feeling
All the Pain, all the hurts
All the memories, it is all hid behind.
Sometimes, when I have almost forgotten,
It comes back with so much pain.
Pain that always break me down
I feel so lost and alone,
And now one was there
To make me glad
“Moving on” is the word
But I never know how
Whatever it is,
I know one thing for sure,
I can never let this feeling show.

Yey..

TuT.tUt.TUt.TUt...
Wla lng hahaha...

Hai

So bAd. I fEeL it again. Nk2inis. DamN.DamN.DamN. I hate it.

So w0nderful

Hai.. Pag katap0s ng lhat, pakiramdam ko okey nku (naman!) malayo s kung ano ang nararamdaman ko n0on. I fEeL So difFerent, very different.. Pakiramdam koh everything is w0ndErful s buhay koh ngayon. Siguro dhil tngGaP N ng puso koh ang lhat, na ang nakaraan ay isa nalamang alaala na masarap alalahanin. katulad nga ng sabi noon ni sir Ace "History" pwedeng ma alala o pwedeng makalimutan.. Nakakatuwang isip ang nangyari, pero hindi n ulit ito mngy2ri khit anung pilit ntin. Everything is just a history unchangeable and f0rever gone. But Today is the m0st imp0rtant, the day where I can build my 2m0r0w, my future.

My mind is at rest. My heart is at rest. Is see my self at the mirr0r and I l0ve what I see and I l0ve what I feel. But it change. Iba na ako.. d 2lad noon..N0w, I can really smile without hesitati0n, with0ut pain, with0ut missing any0ne. Maybe this is the end of my l0ng search for happiness. I l0ve it. I really do l0ve it.

Every start has its end and every end has its start. And n0w is my start. N0w that I'm starting to build the pieces of me. Starting to pickup the missing piece of me. Starting to filled my heart with happiness, new mem0ries and l0ve. I kn0w this is my start. Its been a l0ng and w0ndErful j0urney f0r me, so tiring, and I am glad that I that I d0nt give up that i d0nt quit so easy. kaya nga andito ako ngayon

N0w everything is okey for me..I can actually Look back with a smile and happy for that...hindi n ako malungkot..hindi na umiiyak.. hindi na nag tatanong kung bakit.. I'm glad i've made it.. I am glad n dumating aq s punt0ng ito ng buhay koh. Everything is w0rth it dhil ngay0n alam koh s sarili ko n masaya aq and this is the best FeEling na naramdaman. ^_^

siguro ganun tlaga yun noh?! pag na intindihan mo na ang ibig sabihin ng "Acceptance".. kapag binuksan mo ang mundo mo sa iba.. kpag binuksan mo ang isip mo n lahat pwede mag bago.. doon matututunan nating mag MOVE ON.. mag let go.. at maging masaya.. pero ang hirap gawin yun d b? kailangang i-kondisyon ang sarili...

akala ko nun hindi ko kaya.. dahil sa bawat lingon ko sila ang aking nakikita.. ang dami kong pinalagpas n pag kakataon n maging masaya.. kc masaya akong nag hold on sa lahat.. pero ngayon okey n ako.. masaya na ako ngayon.. I am better no... better than yesterday..

let all be happy.. :D
lets all accept that everything change..
forget everything that gives pain..
Acceptance is the key.. :D

Untitled...Undone

Composition ko na d p tpos...
hai... i lyk dis one...

Verse 1

I try to figure it out
the things that i feel inside
i know that i can’t really hide
no matter how hard i fight

Is this wat i want to be?
or this wat i nid to be?
Is this the LifE I MaDe for me?

Or this is wat God gave me?

And I know the things are made that way
and i know that i can’t change anyway
the past of mine will never be the same
never be the same

people are changing
season are passing
can i bring back
the things we use to be

Verse.

******
******
******
******


i know that no words can define
the pain that alwalys in my mind
that i no that i cant live my life alone
live my alone…..

Another Day

I always fEEL this way. L0oking at them makes me fEeL N0THing, sitTing w/ them makes me filL al0ne. I was standing in a c0rner with0ut a smile. Emptyness kills me and I hate it. I hate my self. I hate them. I was there buT IT L0OKs like I d0nt exist. And the idEa hurts me and it hurts me m0re when I fEeL it. BuT This is what I want and this is what I Want to be. N0 oNe sh0uld be blame except fr0m me. I d0nt kn0w until when i'lL BE this way. BuT 1 THing I kn0w f0r sure. I neEd s0me0ne, s0me0ne wh0 wilL be there f0r me. S0me0ne that I cAn c0unt oN. S0me0ne that i cAn lean oN. S0me0ne who wilL listen to me. S0me0ne who wilL UNDeRsTAnd me And I wish I have that s0me0ne, buT I d0nT HAve that s0me0ne I wanteD C0Z riGht n0w I kn0w have n0thing buT MY self.

Stage of moving on..

I d0nt kn0w why I'm being this way. I feel so hard, so painful and th0se things, I can't handle anym0re. There's a part of me is l0st and crying there's a part of my self that w0ndErs al0ne in the darkness and my s0ul, yes, my s0ul faced its defeat. The pain was been left unguarded and n0w it gr0ws like a cancer that c0nsuming my s0ul. I WAS ALONE IN THIS J0URNEY.

My blemish, a part of my self that pulling me m0re d0wn into the darkness. I feel Like giving up. I was l0st, aL0ne. W0rdEring in a place I didn't kn0w. Waiting...Just waiting f0r s0me one.. Waiting f0r help to arrive.. But.....It d0est c0me al0ng.

I feel like I was hunted BY myself but I feel So tired OF running away... I was cheated By my own lie and I feel Sorry f0r myself. I WAS ALONE IN THIS CHAOS AND NO ONE WAS THERE BUT ME. I hate this feeling it tearing me apart.

As I walk away and distance myself fr0m pe0ple ar0UND ME h0ping to find my self so I can be wh0le again. I search...Search..Search Until I f0und myself asking what I am searching f0r. I feel so al0ne and the feeling was all over the c0rner and it gives m0re aChes to my chest. " H0w cAn I Be my self again and h0w cAn I end alL OF this?" I ask myself.

M0nths pasSeD Like day and eaCh steP I take was n0thing buT FaKE. I d0ubteD MY own aBility and fEquently questi0ning my own self w0rth. This is n0t me, I realize and I cAnt be this way F0REVER. The circle of lifE was diFfERENt f0r me by n0w and I starting to realize that its n0t yet the eNd of line f0r me to change.

N0w I kn0w that help c0mes first within myself and if I let 0therS TO DO It n0thing wilL g0nNa hapPeN. I guesS Its time f0r me to l0ok at myself and break my own chain.

Maybe I sh0uld give my self a creDit f0r n0t quiting even if I alm0st give up. BuT StilL I keEp oN g0ing, keEp oN Figthing. So after al0ng waits and al0ng run I feEl n0w its all over. After alL th0se pain and s0rRow, m0ving oN Is next in line. I d0nt kn0w why do I neEd to c0me this far just to fiGurE IT OUt and why do I neEd to fEel alL of it just to kn0w its over. BuT ITS 0key c0z its alL D0NE. Im awake f0m my greatest niGhtmare. Its time f0r me to st0p chasing the sky. St0p waiting f0r s0me pe0ple to arRive. I sh0uld n0t be afFaid to the changes rather be hapPy c0z it hapPeNS. I've liveD T0O much to a w0rld full of darknesS bUt n0w that liGht is oN my way I sh0uldnt let it go. I lived to much to my past and I should let it go. I have al0t of dreams leFt unfulfilleD and I regret it so much. I've suFfER en0ugH. I've hurted enough. I should breakfree my self and I must do this n0w. S0meh0w I learn that I should n0t sucCeD To failure buT to the sucCes.

N0w, I am ready to faCe THe w0rld again, ready t0 take an0ther step, ready to open an0ther chapter of my lifE, ready to impR0VE MY self and be s0meb0dy else and N0 oNe cAn disc0urage me in any way. T0day is the start where I wilL beGin the changes I want to seE I kn0w that I cAn make it. C0z I belive.

Ang mga pagbabago

S mga bwat araw n nag dumadaAN marmi aqng npa2nsin, mrami aqng nki2ta n nk2kuha s aking atensy0n, ngunit ewan ku b kung bqt kpag np2nsin ku n ang mga bgay2 prng may bumibigat n isang parte ng aking kal0obAn. Nk2lungk0t pero ito ang t0too.

June 9, 2009...

Ngay0n ay isang pangkaraniwang araw lng nMn, tUlad lng ito nga ibAng araw na mer0n sa buhay ko, pero mukhang nag kamali ako.

S parkingl0t kung saAn aq gling. Kitang kita ku ang mga btang nag si2laBaSan MUla s knikanilang service at s2kyan. NtUwa aqn biGla s nkita k0. N alala ko tUl0y katUlad din lng nila aq n0on. S bwat hkbAng k0 may mga alaALA N unti2ng BUMABaLIk s aking isipan ksaBy nito ang skit n unti2 ding nbu2hay s buo k0ng katauhan. Mraming tao n pamilyar para s akin mga tao n naging parte din ng aking nkaraAn at s tUwing nag k2BNga kmi s daAn isang ngiti ang ibinibiGaY Ku at gnun din cla. maY ilang estudyante ang pakalat kalat kung saAN2, MAY ilan n nka upo s bench, nag a2bAng, may ilang nki2pag kwe2han at may mga nag ha2NAp ng kanilang pngalan s bulitin. Npangiti aq sbay hwak s bAtok k0 dhil minsan s buhay k0 ay naging gnun ako. Pero ang lhat ay parte n lng ng aking muNting alaala. Parte ng aking nakalipas nkaramdam aq ng k2ibAng skit s kaisipan yun, parang may kuntsily0ng sumasak2 s aking puso ng mga oraS N Iy0n.
S s0brang dmi ng tao nka rmdam aq ng pakairita kya nag hnap aq ng lugar san aq mk2hinga. Nhanap k0h ang sRili k0 nka upo s l0ob ng vmes. Pero hindi aq nka takas s ingay nga mga estUdyante. N misS Ku ang gnung ingay. Isa na2mang ALAala ng nkaraan. Nakita k0 n bukas n ang gate s l0ob ng gradEskul niyg2 ku n ang mga kpatid k0h n pumas0k.

Mula s malayo kitang kita ku n ang bgong gwang building kya n excite aqng mka pS0K S d0oN indi p xia tp0s pero mki2ta m0 mganda ITo. Dhil s dmi ng tao hindi kmi nka daAn s entrance mismO ng bg0ng gwang building kya dumaAn N LNg aq s lumang gradESKul. 'maramingna Bgo' s isip k0h nkita k0h ang samb0ng,lagundi,lem0n grasS hbAng dumaDAaN S c0rid0r n iyoN s isip k0h niliPat n ang MGA dting nsa p.E buILdINg. Ng NKA rting aq s kbiLaNG DAKo NG pasilyo at pa2s0k n s bgoNg buILding. Hindi aq nag kmali ng santaha k0h maganda ang bg0ng gwang building. S bwat r0oM N nda2Anan k0 sinisilip ko ang l0ob. Bgo siGUro sa mata ko kya gnun ako.

Hai.. Ang dmi n tlagang nag bgo s paliGid ko at madami ng binago. Pero, paAnO AQ? Nag t2nOnG ang isip ko kung ako b ang nagbAgo,sila b ang nag bago o ang paliGid ko ang nag bgo. Pero n isip ko s bndang huli lhat cguro ay nagbgo at sumasaBay lng ang lhat s pagB2GoNG ngya2ri s paliGid.
Ang mga alaALA AY parte n lng ng nakaraAn kailangang sumaBay AQ s bAwat pag b2go n ngy2ri s aking paliGid. PaRa Hindi aq mag si2 s bndang huli.

bakit?

Bakit kaya ganun?
kahit anong pigil natin s ating sarili
hindi natin mapigilan na hindi ma alala
ang isang tao o mga tao.
siguro dahil may malaking parte sila
sa buhay natin
o dahil mahal natin sila
pero hanggang kaylan natin sila kailangan
alalahanin?
hanggang kailan sila mananatili sa isip natin?
Siguro hanggang sa matanggap na natin na wala na sila sa buhay natin..

One day

One day may nag tanong sa akin "Kamusta?" siyempre ngumiti ako sabay sabing "okey lng". pero habang nag lalakad ako palayo sa taong nang tanong sa akin, na pag-isip isip ako. totoo kayang okey ako. Feeling ko im a lier. kasi ang feeling ko hindi nmn talaga ako okey. Pero bakit kaya ganoon noh? pag tinatanong tayo sasabihin natin okey tayo kahit ang totoo ay hindi. Dahil Siguro mas madaling mag sabi ng kasinungalingan kesa ipaliwanag ang totoong nararamdaman natin..
Ano sa tingin mo?

One Sad Journal

There's no easy way of letting go of the things that we love and the things that we learn to love. its hard when the time comes that we need to let it go no matter how much we treasure it. But no matter how much we try to let it go, Memories exists and we cannot run from the shadow of it. And damn those memories. I irritably ask myself "Why memories do exists?” And this kind of question I ask over and over coz it hurts me continuously. I know I should stop dealing with the past. Stop looking for what I’ve lost. Coz it will never ever happen again no matter how hard I try and no matter how much I love it.
But the pain kills me. The pain makes me crazy. Im trying my very best to face the world around me. Have a smile to cover up the pain I feel. For them to know am strong enough to let go. But deep inside me, Im not.
There's nothing permanent in this world. I know. And I know before, that time will come that we will walk separate way. And the time we spend together would come to an end. And that time is now. It’s time for me to let them go. To give them up. But still I can't, not for now.
I cry for the memories, I cry for the pain, I cry for the times that we spend together, the time that I had them. I know they are not mine to be kept. I know they need to grow and discover the world on their own. And I should not be selfish to hold them so much. But holding them keeps me going, makes me alive.
I hope they see the pain, the worries, the heartache, the tears in my eye just to let them know how much I love them and how much I want them being at my side. But I don't want to let them see it. I don’t want to show it. I just want to keep it. Putting some mask in my face is better that explaining everything. The tears are the only explanation of what my heart cannot say. For any feelings that I have they are not the one to be blame coz there's nothing to do with them. It’s about me.
It’s been a year now. But I don't know why do I still feel this why. Carrying all the burden, alone. I still fixing my broken heart and broken soul. I still pick up the pieces of myself. But I wish I can end all of this misery to find myself again, to be myself again. But not for now I guess, maybe some other time. Coz at this very moment my heart still aches in sadness. I still feel the pain.
Maybe one day, I can say I FINNALY OVER THEM and I FINNALY MOVE ON. Maybe somewhere my journey I can look back not missing them. I can look back without pain. And I know I can do it. I know I can.

I have to let you go

eto ay compo ko last year 2008
hahaha
wla lng


Intro: A-G (3X)





I.

A

My heartaches

G

And I can’t avoid it

A G

No matter how I’ve try

A G

I feel so scared

A G

Don’t know what to do

A

I try to smile

G

So others won’t see

A G

But tears has already fallen





Chorus:





A E

So I have to let you go

D Dsus

And forget all the memories

A E

The days I spent with you

D

I must let it go

Dsus

I have to let you go





(REPEAT THE INTRO)





II (SAME AS THE VERSE)

I was hiding this feeling

And it pains me everyday

It left me a wound

And its still there





(Repeat I)

(Repeat chorus)

Tell me! :D

e2 ay compose song ko.. dati.. hahaha...

Title: Tell me

Years past like days
the cold wind is blowing on me
the road im walking throught
is same as before

can i walk back again
when i suddenly turn my back on you
can i walk back to you
and have your heart once again

Chorus
Please tell me you feel the same way i do
tell me you want me to be there for you
tell you want me to hold your hands
tell me you love me
tell me you want me
and never let me go

Day and Day I hesitant
If your love is real
so i walk away
to make it feel

can i still back the day
when i leave you all alone
can i still find a way
and share the love we always had

Chorus
Please tell me you feel the same way i do
tell me you want me to be there for you
tell you want me to hold your hands
tell me you love me
tell me you want me….

i just can’t explain
the things i’ve done to you
i know that i was wrong
and inside of me knew
this feeling is true
that i really love you

Chorus
Please tell me you feel the same way i do
tell me you want me to be there for you
tell you want me to hold your hands
tell me you love me(2x)
tell me you want me(2x)
and never let me go….

Ang tagal kong nawala

whew! :D
ang tagal kong nwala...
dahil ako'y nag bakasyon sa probisya.
sa lugar kung saan makikita ang MAyon.
masaya nmn ang aking pagbabakasyon...

another one...

I feel so alone in my life
i couldn't show my self to anyone
hiding my self inside
and i don't know why
time passed so fast
i look the warmth everyday
but i never found it
i couldn't found it
I hid my self and then i cry
and i don't know why am being this way
maybe am just being so sensitive
or maybe am just being me

This is me...

To all the Graduates

This is for all the Graduates
that I know !
hahahaha
:D :D :D
Natapos ko toh this day lng
April 4, 2008
8:32 Am
hahaha

Advice

Ply_Uber

Hey, My Friend

Don't be frown

When they are not around

In your life

Dont be Afraid

Of the things around you

Just have a smile

Like the way you are

I know it is hard

But you need to make it

For you and for them

Who love each other so much

Please, Wipe all the tears

Wipe all the fears

Coz goodbye is not the end

But its just the beginning

If you are really true friends

Thousand miles is not a hindrance

of caring and loving each other

But its just the start of something new

True

True

Ply_Uber

Years passed like days

And another chapter has to end

It really hurts inside

Accepting is really hard

My future seems to be unseen

And my past seems to be my light

I know it is not right

But it makes me feel so alive

We were thousand miles away apart

But I feel they are just on my side

I don't know how or why

Maybe there just one of a kind

I love the, I really do

And am crazy about them too

You may thought I am a fool

But this is true

I can't see them throught my eyes

But I still feel them through my heart

Maybe they are away from my side

but they are always on my mind

So Perfect

So Perfect

Ply_uber

I feel so right

I feel so lucky

having them at my side

makes me feel so perfect

I laught so loud

Louder than before

I feel the joy

That i never felt before

That moment I don't want to waste

That moment of happines

that moment is so perfect

I don't want to waste

I love those moments

those precious moments

I'll treasure it forever

And for all of my life

I can't stop time

from passing each day

no matter how perfect that moment

It needs to come to and end

What a happy life!

what a happy life...
hahaha..
bqt ang saya ng buhay..
bakit ganito..
pero mbuti nmn..
dahil nung ilang buwan din aq malungkot..
hai...
hahahaha..

Panahon

Eto ay aking proyekto sa Filipino. Hindi ko inaakala na matatanggap ito ng aking guro..
hahahaha.. sana magustuhan ninyo

Panahon

Sa isang araw na ang pasahan pero hanggang ngayon ay wala pang nagagawa,wala pang nasusulat at wala pang maisulat. Ilang beses akong nag isip kung ano ang dapat. Pero wala pa ring magawa. Ano ba ang problema? O Baka ako ang problema. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako mag sisimula o paano ko sisimulan itong aking projekto na sa isang araw na ang pasahan. Maingay ang paligid at magulo kaya’t na isipan kong mapag isa na nagbabaka sakaling ako ay may magawa. Isa..dalawa..tatlo.. tatlong papel na ang aking nasasayang pero di ko pa rin ito masimulan. Naisipan kong bitawan ang bolpen at papel at mag simulang mag basa. Isa...Dalawa…Tatlo… Tatlong oras na akong nababasa ng libro. Nakatuwaan ko ang mag basa ng libro kaya’t nakalimutan ko ang dapat kong simulan. Alas once na at wala pa rin akong na isulat. Na isip kong simulan na ang pag basa ng bago kong libro. Tinanggal ko ang plastic at tinapon sa basurahan umupo sa kama at sinimulang mag basa. Habang nag babasa ay may isang linya ang aking na gustuhan. At na isip kong dito simulan ang projektong nais ko nang wakas.

"When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, is it not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end?"

Napakaganda talaga ng linyang ito sa libro na sinulat ni Stephanie Mayer. Kaya’t dito ko gustong simulan ang akin proyekto.

Minsan sa buhay natin may mga bagay na hindi natin inaasahang mang yari. Minsan magandang pangyayari ito minsan naman masama.Sa linyang ito, na alala ko ang buhay ko noong High School ako. Naging masaya ako, hindi, naging sobrang saya ko. Hindi ko ninaasahan na ganun ang mararamdaman ko sa piling ng mga taong ngayon ko lang nakasama. Higit sa mag kakapatid ang turingan namin. Sabihin man nilang kami ang pinakamagulo, pinakamaingay, pinakapasaway at pinakabarumbadong section sa buong Basic Education Department wala kaming pakiaalam, isa lang ang mahalaga para sa amin iyon ay ang bawat isa. Normal lang ang mag karoon ng konting tampuhan pero di namin ito pinapatagal. Mahal ko sila at alam ko mahal din nila ako. Kaya pinag mamalaki ko na ako ay isang certified MUTWALD. Sa mga huling araw namin sa High School mas marami kaming kalokohang nagawa at muntik ng maging dahilan ng hindi naming pag marcha pero hinarap namin ang lahat at hindi nag iwanan. Masya man ang buhay namin noon, pero hindi namin napigilan ang pagdaan ng panahon. Lahat kami ay humarap sa mga tao na eto kami at nakapag tapos hindi man kami kompleto noong araw na iyon naging kasiyahan pa rin ang nadama dahil iyon ang ang isa sa aming hinihintay. Pagkatapos ng Highschool kanya-kanya naming hinarap ang buhay kolehiyo. Kanya-kanya mang paaralang pinasukan pero hindi pa rin na wala ang aming samahan. Sa aming lahat isa ako sa mapapalad na matira. Ang swerte ko noh. Ilang taon na ba ako rito isa,dalawa,tatlo,apat, hmmm… sampung taon na ako dito at mukhang sa ikatlong pag kakataon ay nag plague ako ng loyalty dito. Hay.. Siguro tatanungin mo ako kung hindi ba ako nag sasawa dito. Syempre naman nag sasawa na ako noh, kahit naka pikit ako alam ko na ang pasikot sikot ng lugar sa school. Pero okey lang masaya naman ako eh, malapit lang sa bahay at pwedeng lakarin. Pero isa sa mahirap na nararanasan ko sa pag kakaiwan sa lugar na to ay MAG-ADJUST. Bakit? Araw-araw yun at yun ang iyong nakikita. Ang High School building yung mga teacher, yung mga estudyante, yung mga cavana ang lahat nang bagay sa pailigid ko ay nag papaalala sa akin kung gaano ako saya noon. Bakit hindi ba ako masaya ngayon? Ang sagot, ay isang malaking OO. Mag iisang taon na akong college pero pakiramdam ko ay hindi pa rin. Sa totoo lang parang ang laki na nag advantage ko dahil sa dito ako nag mula o dito ako graduate marami akong kakilala, alam ko yung pasikot sikot ng school pero para akong bata na walang alam. Ng mga unang araw ko sa kolehiyo nahirapan ako, para akong transfree na galing sa ibang lugar parang wala akong alam sa lugar na aking dinadaanan. Madalas na wala ako sa sarili ko. Hindi ako ang nakikita ng mga tao, malayo sa totoong ako. Pero ano ang magagawa ko, nasasaktan ako. Gusto kong makasamang uli ang mag kaibigan ko, gusto kong sila ang kadaldalan ko, gustong sila ang kasabay ko, gusto ko sila ang kasama ko buong maghapon. Pero gusto ko man, hindi pwede. Buong paligid ko man ang masaya, hindi ko magawang matuwa. Kung sila siguro ang kasama ko maaari pa. Nalulungkot ako ng sobra. Makasama sila ng sandali ay lubos na ang aking saya. Na mi-miss ko sila ng sorba, hindi sobra-sobra. Madalas lumilipad ang isip ko kaya nga madalas din akong mahuli ng mga guro ko na naka tingin sa bintana kung tutuusin kung mag fo-focus lang ako sa pag aaral ko ay kakayanin kong mag karoon ng matataas na marka tulad noong High School. Pero, hindi ko pa kaya sa ngayon, ang maging tulad noon. Nag patuloy ang buhay ko nang naglalakad na nakatingin sa likuran. Ang hirap, sobrang ang mabuhay sa nakaraan, patuloy akong nag-nanais na ang nakaraan ay maging kasalukuyan. Kalagitnaan ng semester ng na isip kong lumipat ng school. Nag babakasakaling makahanap ako ng tulong mula roon. Pero gaya nga ng sabi sa akin ng aking adviser, kahit saan ako mag punta ganun at walang mag babago didipende lang daw ito sa akin. Maaaring iniisip mo na mali na ang aking ginagawa. Alam ko iyo, at ayaw ko rin ng ganitong pakiramdam, mabigat sa dibdib ngunit pinipilit ko ang sarili ko na ayusin ang lahat. Bilang isang kaibigan binahagi ko sa kanila ang mga bagay na nasa loob ko. At hindi ako nag kamali sa akin mga ginawa sa pakikipag usap sa kanila unti-unting nabawasan ang mga bagay na gumugulo sa akin. Sa ngayon ay unti-unti na akong bumabangon at unti-unting napapawi ang lahat ng sakit.

Unti- unti natutunan kong mag adjust. At masaya ako sa nangyayari hindi na ako madalas nakatingin sa bintana ng tulad ng dati. Ginagawa ko na ang dapat kong gawin ng paunti-unti. Naisip kong bakit kaylangang masayang ang ilang panahon para lang maunawaan ko ang lahat. Pero hindi dapat ako manghinayang hindi ba? Dapat akong maging masaya dahil hindi ako nag drop out at nalaman ko kung sino ang mga totoong kaibigan. Hinarap ko ang lahat at nalagpasan ko ang lahat.

Nabasa akong isang artikulo kung papaano daw makakapag adjust sa kohehiyo ang isang freshmen at alam ko na ito ay makakatulong ng malaki sa iba. Ang una ay Manatiling Busy. Mag paka busy araw-araw para makalimut ka kahit papaano. Pwede ka ding mag laro ng mga sports o kaya ay mag basa ka ng book sa library. Ang ikalawa ay ang maghanap ng mabubuting kaibigan. Maging friendly para makahanap ka ng mga bagong kaibigan. Ang ikatlo ayon sa aking nabasa ay Pakitaan ng Kabutihan ang ka-roommates. Maging mabuti sa mga ka roommates mo,dahil madalas sila ang makakasama mo araw-araw at maaaring sila rin ang makasama hanggang maka graduate ka na ng collge. Ang ika apat naman ayon sa kanya ay makipag usap sa kapamilya. Mag hanap ka ng tao na maari mong pag sabihan ng problema. Mahirap kasing kinikimkim mo yung mga nararamdaman mo. At ang pang huli ay ang maging maingat sa paggawa ng desisyon. Hindi solusyon ang mag drop out o yung lumipat ng school para lang makapag adjust. May mga tao na kapag hindi maganda ang kanilang nararamdaman ay nag kakamali sila ng desisyon at sana hindi ka matulad sa kanila.

Marami pang paraan kung paano ka makakapag adjust sa buhay kolehiyo. Ang lahat ng bagay ay dedepende na lamang sayo. Bakit? Dahil Sa kahit ano pa mang paraan ang iyong gamitin kung patuloy pa rin ang pagbuhay sa nakalipas ay hindi ito makatutulong sa iyong sarili. Isa lang dapat matutunan na ang pagtanggap sa katotohanan na walang permanente sa mundong ito. Huwag tayong malungkot dahil natpos na, maging masaya tayo dahil nang yari ang lahat. Huwag mong sayangin ang oras at luha sa kanilang pagkawala. Dahil sa puso mo lagging andun sila, huwag mong sayangin ang mga pagkakataon na makita ang mga mgagandang bagay na sa iyong harap dahil sa huli ito ay iyong pag sisihan. Matuto tayong tanggapin ang katotohanan na may mga taong aalis at darating sa ating buhay, maging masaya tayo sa pagkat sila ay dumating at nag bigay kulay sa mundo natin. Lagi nating tatandaan na “Happiness begins at the point when we stop questioning why life can’t be perfect and just accept the world the way it is”