Hai

So bAd. I fEeL it again. Nk2inis. DamN.DamN.DamN. I hate it.

So w0nderful

Hai.. Pag katap0s ng lhat, pakiramdam ko okey nku (naman!) malayo s kung ano ang nararamdaman ko n0on. I fEeL So difFerent, very different.. Pakiramdam koh everything is w0ndErful s buhay koh ngayon. Siguro dhil tngGaP N ng puso koh ang lhat, na ang nakaraan ay isa nalamang alaala na masarap alalahanin. katulad nga ng sabi noon ni sir Ace "History" pwedeng ma alala o pwedeng makalimutan.. Nakakatuwang isip ang nangyari, pero hindi n ulit ito mngy2ri khit anung pilit ntin. Everything is just a history unchangeable and f0rever gone. But Today is the m0st imp0rtant, the day where I can build my 2m0r0w, my future.

My mind is at rest. My heart is at rest. Is see my self at the mirr0r and I l0ve what I see and I l0ve what I feel. But it change. Iba na ako.. d 2lad noon..N0w, I can really smile without hesitati0n, with0ut pain, with0ut missing any0ne. Maybe this is the end of my l0ng search for happiness. I l0ve it. I really do l0ve it.

Every start has its end and every end has its start. And n0w is my start. N0w that I'm starting to build the pieces of me. Starting to pickup the missing piece of me. Starting to filled my heart with happiness, new mem0ries and l0ve. I kn0w this is my start. Its been a l0ng and w0ndErful j0urney f0r me, so tiring, and I am glad that I that I d0nt give up that i d0nt quit so easy. kaya nga andito ako ngayon

N0w everything is okey for me..I can actually Look back with a smile and happy for that...hindi n ako malungkot..hindi na umiiyak.. hindi na nag tatanong kung bakit.. I'm glad i've made it.. I am glad n dumating aq s punt0ng ito ng buhay koh. Everything is w0rth it dhil ngay0n alam koh s sarili ko n masaya aq and this is the best FeEling na naramdaman. ^_^

siguro ganun tlaga yun noh?! pag na intindihan mo na ang ibig sabihin ng "Acceptance".. kapag binuksan mo ang mundo mo sa iba.. kpag binuksan mo ang isip mo n lahat pwede mag bago.. doon matututunan nating mag MOVE ON.. mag let go.. at maging masaya.. pero ang hirap gawin yun d b? kailangang i-kondisyon ang sarili...

akala ko nun hindi ko kaya.. dahil sa bawat lingon ko sila ang aking nakikita.. ang dami kong pinalagpas n pag kakataon n maging masaya.. kc masaya akong nag hold on sa lahat.. pero ngayon okey n ako.. masaya na ako ngayon.. I am better no... better than yesterday..

let all be happy.. :D
lets all accept that everything change..
forget everything that gives pain..
Acceptance is the key.. :D

Untitled...Undone

Composition ko na d p tpos...
hai... i lyk dis one...

Verse 1

I try to figure it out
the things that i feel inside
i know that i can’t really hide
no matter how hard i fight

Is this wat i want to be?
or this wat i nid to be?
Is this the LifE I MaDe for me?

Or this is wat God gave me?

And I know the things are made that way
and i know that i can’t change anyway
the past of mine will never be the same
never be the same

people are changing
season are passing
can i bring back
the things we use to be

Verse.

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i know that no words can define
the pain that alwalys in my mind
that i no that i cant live my life alone
live my alone…..

Another Day

I always fEEL this way. L0oking at them makes me fEeL N0THing, sitTing w/ them makes me filL al0ne. I was standing in a c0rner with0ut a smile. Emptyness kills me and I hate it. I hate my self. I hate them. I was there buT IT L0OKs like I d0nt exist. And the idEa hurts me and it hurts me m0re when I fEeL it. BuT This is what I want and this is what I Want to be. N0 oNe sh0uld be blame except fr0m me. I d0nt kn0w until when i'lL BE this way. BuT 1 THing I kn0w f0r sure. I neEd s0me0ne, s0me0ne wh0 wilL be there f0r me. S0me0ne that I cAn c0unt oN. S0me0ne that i cAn lean oN. S0me0ne who wilL listen to me. S0me0ne who wilL UNDeRsTAnd me And I wish I have that s0me0ne, buT I d0nT HAve that s0me0ne I wanteD C0Z riGht n0w I kn0w have n0thing buT MY self.

Stage of moving on..

I d0nt kn0w why I'm being this way. I feel so hard, so painful and th0se things, I can't handle anym0re. There's a part of me is l0st and crying there's a part of my self that w0ndErs al0ne in the darkness and my s0ul, yes, my s0ul faced its defeat. The pain was been left unguarded and n0w it gr0ws like a cancer that c0nsuming my s0ul. I WAS ALONE IN THIS J0URNEY.

My blemish, a part of my self that pulling me m0re d0wn into the darkness. I feel Like giving up. I was l0st, aL0ne. W0rdEring in a place I didn't kn0w. Waiting...Just waiting f0r s0me one.. Waiting f0r help to arrive.. But.....It d0est c0me al0ng.

I feel like I was hunted BY myself but I feel So tired OF running away... I was cheated By my own lie and I feel Sorry f0r myself. I WAS ALONE IN THIS CHAOS AND NO ONE WAS THERE BUT ME. I hate this feeling it tearing me apart.

As I walk away and distance myself fr0m pe0ple ar0UND ME h0ping to find my self so I can be wh0le again. I search...Search..Search Until I f0und myself asking what I am searching f0r. I feel so al0ne and the feeling was all over the c0rner and it gives m0re aChes to my chest. " H0w cAn I Be my self again and h0w cAn I end alL OF this?" I ask myself.

M0nths pasSeD Like day and eaCh steP I take was n0thing buT FaKE. I d0ubteD MY own aBility and fEquently questi0ning my own self w0rth. This is n0t me, I realize and I cAnt be this way F0REVER. The circle of lifE was diFfERENt f0r me by n0w and I starting to realize that its n0t yet the eNd of line f0r me to change.

N0w I kn0w that help c0mes first within myself and if I let 0therS TO DO It n0thing wilL g0nNa hapPeN. I guesS Its time f0r me to l0ok at myself and break my own chain.

Maybe I sh0uld give my self a creDit f0r n0t quiting even if I alm0st give up. BuT StilL I keEp oN g0ing, keEp oN Figthing. So after al0ng waits and al0ng run I feEl n0w its all over. After alL th0se pain and s0rRow, m0ving oN Is next in line. I d0nt kn0w why do I neEd to c0me this far just to fiGurE IT OUt and why do I neEd to fEel alL of it just to kn0w its over. BuT ITS 0key c0z its alL D0NE. Im awake f0m my greatest niGhtmare. Its time f0r me to st0p chasing the sky. St0p waiting f0r s0me pe0ple to arRive. I sh0uld n0t be afFaid to the changes rather be hapPy c0z it hapPeNS. I've liveD T0O much to a w0rld full of darknesS bUt n0w that liGht is oN my way I sh0uldnt let it go. I lived to much to my past and I should let it go. I have al0t of dreams leFt unfulfilleD and I regret it so much. I've suFfER en0ugH. I've hurted enough. I should breakfree my self and I must do this n0w. S0meh0w I learn that I should n0t sucCeD To failure buT to the sucCes.

N0w, I am ready to faCe THe w0rld again, ready t0 take an0ther step, ready to open an0ther chapter of my lifE, ready to impR0VE MY self and be s0meb0dy else and N0 oNe cAn disc0urage me in any way. T0day is the start where I wilL beGin the changes I want to seE I kn0w that I cAn make it. C0z I belive.

Ang mga pagbabago

S mga bwat araw n nag dumadaAN marmi aqng npa2nsin, mrami aqng nki2ta n nk2kuha s aking atensy0n, ngunit ewan ku b kung bqt kpag np2nsin ku n ang mga bgay2 prng may bumibigat n isang parte ng aking kal0obAn. Nk2lungk0t pero ito ang t0too.

June 9, 2009...

Ngay0n ay isang pangkaraniwang araw lng nMn, tUlad lng ito nga ibAng araw na mer0n sa buhay ko, pero mukhang nag kamali ako.

S parkingl0t kung saAn aq gling. Kitang kita ku ang mga btang nag si2laBaSan MUla s knikanilang service at s2kyan. NtUwa aqn biGla s nkita k0. N alala ko tUl0y katUlad din lng nila aq n0on. S bwat hkbAng k0 may mga alaALA N unti2ng BUMABaLIk s aking isipan ksaBy nito ang skit n unti2 ding nbu2hay s buo k0ng katauhan. Mraming tao n pamilyar para s akin mga tao n naging parte din ng aking nkaraAn at s tUwing nag k2BNga kmi s daAn isang ngiti ang ibinibiGaY Ku at gnun din cla. maY ilang estudyante ang pakalat kalat kung saAN2, MAY ilan n nka upo s bench, nag a2bAng, may ilang nki2pag kwe2han at may mga nag ha2NAp ng kanilang pngalan s bulitin. Npangiti aq sbay hwak s bAtok k0 dhil minsan s buhay k0 ay naging gnun ako. Pero ang lhat ay parte n lng ng aking muNting alaala. Parte ng aking nakalipas nkaramdam aq ng k2ibAng skit s kaisipan yun, parang may kuntsily0ng sumasak2 s aking puso ng mga oraS N Iy0n.
S s0brang dmi ng tao nka rmdam aq ng pakairita kya nag hnap aq ng lugar san aq mk2hinga. Nhanap k0h ang sRili k0 nka upo s l0ob ng vmes. Pero hindi aq nka takas s ingay nga mga estUdyante. N misS Ku ang gnung ingay. Isa na2mang ALAala ng nkaraan. Nakita k0 n bukas n ang gate s l0ob ng gradEskul niyg2 ku n ang mga kpatid k0h n pumas0k.

Mula s malayo kitang kita ku n ang bgong gwang building kya n excite aqng mka pS0K S d0oN indi p xia tp0s pero mki2ta m0 mganda ITo. Dhil s dmi ng tao hindi kmi nka daAn s entrance mismO ng bg0ng gwang building kya dumaAn N LNg aq s lumang gradESKul. 'maramingna Bgo' s isip k0h nkita k0h ang samb0ng,lagundi,lem0n grasS hbAng dumaDAaN S c0rid0r n iyoN s isip k0h niliPat n ang MGA dting nsa p.E buILdINg. Ng NKA rting aq s kbiLaNG DAKo NG pasilyo at pa2s0k n s bgoNg buILding. Hindi aq nag kmali ng santaha k0h maganda ang bg0ng gwang building. S bwat r0oM N nda2Anan k0 sinisilip ko ang l0ob. Bgo siGUro sa mata ko kya gnun ako.

Hai.. Ang dmi n tlagang nag bgo s paliGid ko at madami ng binago. Pero, paAnO AQ? Nag t2nOnG ang isip ko kung ako b ang nagbAgo,sila b ang nag bago o ang paliGid ko ang nag bgo. Pero n isip ko s bndang huli lhat cguro ay nagbgo at sumasaBay lng ang lhat s pagB2GoNG ngya2ri s paliGid.
Ang mga alaALA AY parte n lng ng nakaraAn kailangang sumaBay AQ s bAwat pag b2go n ngy2ri s aking paliGid. PaRa Hindi aq mag si2 s bndang huli.