Letter for BM

I knew that day will come; I knew that day will happen and the days that we had, must faced its final bow. But during the times that we are together, during our happy days, those moments I love most, those wonderful time, those moments I pretend it will never happen and so when the day comes, when reality came in front of my face, when we needed to separated and be departed my world stops and start to fall apart and I keep on asking why.
Everyday I keep on questioning things around me, why things need to be that way and why we need to be separated. There were times and moments when I questioned God, why we need to be that way, why we need to walk on different path, and why He let me feel so much heartaches.
I felt so alone, no one was there for me but pain in my heart. Every day I cry for sadness coz I miss you, my heart is broken, a wreck, because you are not around. I need you like an air so I can breathe; I need you like water for me to continue from living.
A lot of changes that happen after we depart our ways and it hurt me a lot. I cannot do anything to help myself from hurting even I try to fight it or ignore it I won’t win maybe because what I had is a different kind of pain, pain that is hard to endure just like a cancer consuming my soul.
Copping up is hard to do, it is because I need to stay at De La Salle Araneta, in this place, our alma matter where we used to walked, we used to laugh, and we used to dream. Everything reminds me of what I used to be, what we used to be, our memories, something that I knew I can never bring back. And so every time I step my foot at the premises of the university it breaks my heart into pieces.
I am on my own and it so hard to accept that you were not around me any longer, my strength leave me, I felt so weak and no one was there for me but my own pain and our memories. Time passed, two years had already gone, and still nothing changes. I still have this pain; it became my companion, my best friend in two years. Good thing it helps me to move on somehow coz in two years it is the only thing that hurt me and it let me endure any other painful things around me.
No one knows how much pain I’m into or how much broken I am inside. My family, my friends they don’t even have a clue what I had. I continue living for two years just like a shadow that need to follow his master, like water that flows, like an air that blows. I pity myself somehow coz I felt like I’m the only one who felt such pain, pain that crushes my heart, seeing you happy and contented in your life makes me jealous, makes me miserable coz you can live without me but I cannot live without you.
I came to the point and I asked myself why I still have the same pain as before, why it hurt me every passing day of my living, why I still keep it deep in my heart, I asked myself if I deserve such pain. At that point I try look at myself and I see different person, I found someone far different from who I am. Pain turns me into someone who I am not; it turns me into someone I should not suppose to be.
I started to hate myself for what I saw and damned me for what I become because of my own doing, because I let the pain live in my heart . I came to the point, a realization that I need to fix myself, to heal the pain for my own good.
Help comes from within I remember that words that makes me realize that I should start to fix my puzzled heart, to pick up the missing piece of my life. No one in this world can help me if it will not start from me, no one can help me if I continue to close my doors from the people around. Certainly everything in life begins in me.
Life is good; I got the chance to figure out things that I need too. That there are certain things in this life that I cannot stop, something that I cannot change coz only God can. It’s not yet too late to overcome the pain, it’s not yet too late to stand up from my hard fall, it is time to climb up and be the person that I should be.
Rainy days are over; sunshine is starting show and I see hope. Today I should focus more on the now, the reality of life, fulfill the life we once dream of. What happened from the past, what happened to us is really part of life, people come and go. I am happy you came across, you made me happy, you made me laugh, you taught me so many good things in life and forever I’ll be grateful and thankful for all the learning’s that I gain from you. I love you and I will always do and forever you will always have a special space in my heart.
Soon enough I’ll be fine, soon the pain that I planted will be cut off, soon I can be a better person, soon I can face you and tell you this is me now, a person you can be proud of, soon we can laugh together about the past and make another moments to remember, and soon enough we can hold each other hand and never let it go.