Just Another Day

I never give too much attention to something until it catches me. But sometimes I hate that kind of character that I have because of it I failed to see the things around me, I failed to see those things that should matter too in my life and I failed to see the attention that was given to me by other people. I know it was bad and I know I looked mean because of it, but I can't help it. In the past years of my life I just keep myself surrounded by the people whom I like, yes, I am kinda picky person. I am very much careful on letting people enter in my life especially on choosing friends and people that I will trust. It was my decision and I choose to be this way. I am afraid to be hurt that's why I keep myself away from others and surround myself with people I knew I can count.  All my attentions were focus on the people I choose too but I never thought that because of it I am making myself fall into deep hole. A kind hole where it will be difficult to get out and a kind of hole where pain is all around.

In this passed few months I had realized I was wrong, I was wrong in alot of things and I was wrong for letting myself guarded at all times. I focused myself to few and not minding people around me. But can anyone blame me for what I had done? If all I want is to protect myself from getting hurt? I guess everyone will agree to me that nobody wants to get hurt the same way that I don't want too.But the thought of protecting myself is like isolating myself to the world. I thought I had learn from my past experience that I won't do the same thing as I did. But I was wrong because I did the very same thing I did before.

Now that some important people were gone and now that I have to make big decisions in my life there is a certainly feeling deep in myself looking for them, wanting to know their answers in all the questions in my mind. This things made me realized how important they are to me. That my own thoughts and my own self explanations were not just enough for me. I have to be tough on this and I need to trust myself on this and my own instincts. I know that I can make it even with them but  I know in my heart and mind I need them.