Smile

I used to hear people say that they love the way I smile. That whatever circumstances that I am in, I just keep on smiling. I believe that it is a distinct feature that they will always remember about me.

I think, smiling and optimistic are words that will always be linked to my character and personality.

I always smile and chose to see the bright side of everything. It is not just important but it is essential to my being. For me to be positive every time I face fear, doubt and pain. For me to lift the spirit of the people who matters to me and for me to show the world that nothing can put me down.

This is always been my façade. You may blame my parents, my environment, my upbringings but this will always be the way I will face and see the world.  I will face it with smile and optimism.

I always want to be the kind of person who can lift the moods of others. I want to be the kind of person that they can rely on at times of need, at times of fear and defeat. I always want to be the kind of person that my friends can run to when they need a shoulder to cry on and ears to listen. I want to be the kind of person who can make people laugh at times of stress and troubles. I want people to believe that rainy days are not forever that at the end of it there is a rainbow to look forward too. I want them to see that in this cruel world we can look forward to good things and good people.

But sometimes it’s hard to be this kind of person. Sometimes it is hard to be a walking positivity when your head is filled with negative thoughts. It’s hard when you start to feel doubt and start to question things around you. It’s hard when you want to help other people but you also need a hand to hold. It is hard to be the kind of person that I am.

It’s hard when people used to see you smiling and happy. It’s hard when they are used to see you as a strong person simply because they will never ask if you are okay. They will not understand when there will be tears falling on your eyes. They will never understand when you need time and air to breathe. They will not understand when you have doubts, when you lose your self-confidence, when fear is consuming your system, and when you fail and broken.

These negative thoughts can put me on the edge but it will never die down the bright side of me. It is honestly tiring, to be the person that people expect me to. But still, the positivity, optimism and happy thoughts are always part of my existence.

I am not perfect and I will never be one. There will be a lot more things to learn, things to change and will never change. But I will always be someone who wants to smile and laugh. I want to be someone that can bring happiness and light to those who need it. I cannot change the world but I can make a difference to those people around me by simply being me.