To Mr. E.V

I never expect na makikita ko siya ulit after so many years. To be honest, he is one of the few people na hindi ko gusto kong makita o maka salubong man lang. But even I feel a bit awkward seeing him still I managed to compose and carry myself. Due to the fact that he is older than me I smile at him out of respect. Since I really don’t want to be in the same room with him kinausap ko na kaagad yung dapat kong kausapin. But he keeps on talking to me na pinilit ko namang sagutin in best way I can. Since we are not the only person inside the room he keeps on mentioning yung connection naming dalawa. I was his student and he used to me my teacher. I don’t want to assume and since I do not completely pay attention sa kung ano man ang sinasabi niya pero ramdam ko sa boses niya nung sinabi niyang estudyante there is a sense of pride on it. Sino ba naman ang mag aakala na kukuha ako ng Master’s Degree?

I did not bother to interfere kung ano man ang pinag uusapan nila dahil wala naman akong pakialam. Ni hindi nga ako nakaramdaman ng kahit katiting na saya nung pangalandakan na estudyante niya ako. Kahit obvious na wala akong interest sa kung anong sinasabi niya ay panay pa din ang tanong niya sa akin. Asking me to organize a reunion, about friend’s life and he even asked me to get married. But I simply dismissed the topic.  

And since hindi naman siya ang dahilan ng pinunta ko nag focus na lang akong kausapin yung secretary ng Grad School. Pero nakuha niya yung atensyon ko when I heard him say something hindi ko siya pinapansin. I honestly want to smirk at him that exact moment. Kung alam lang niya, ni sa panaginip hindi ko siya gustong makita.

Bigla kong na aalala yung sinabi sa akin noon ng kaibigan ko. That I should not hold grudges towards him and I should learn to forgive and forget. Pero tulad ng sinabi ko sa kaibigan ko I already forgive him for what he did but I will never forget what he made me felt.

Tuwing na aalala ko yung ginawa niya kasabay din nung bumabalik lahat ng naramdaman ko. Kung paano niya ako hinatak sa kwelyo at kinaladkad sa lobby.  I was terrified. Wala akong magawa kung hindi umiyak.

I can say he was a good teacher. He taught me that I have to be strong in order to survive. He made me realized na kung ipapakita mo ang emosyon at kung ipapakita mo na mahina ka kakayankayanin ka ng mga tao. It made me realized that I should never put my guard down, that I have to be smart and to be a big thing so that no one will belittle me. He was good for teaching me that lesson, too good that I despise him. He filled my heart with so much hatred that took me months abolish.

Pero tapos na yun, it has been more than 10 years since it happened.  Even though it is still clear in my mind I know one day I will forget about it and I know one day makakalimutan ko din kung yung panliliit na naramdaman ko sa sarili ko noon.

But there is one thing for sure, wala akong sasabihin at wala akong gagawin and he will forever wonder why I am acting this way towards him and that would be my sweetest revenge.