Journey

Journey

Our Professor asked us to write a short story.. so this is my work.. :D

I had a life that I love, a life with the people who make it a rollercoaster one. Who makes me feel contented, perfect, and fulfilled. This is the kind of life that I wanted for the rest of my life. But things changed inevitably, life is like a road and we came across a path of crossroad no way to go but to take step, we need to walk on our own different way. Indeed they take their step away and I was left alone, in the very same place gazing upon them.
“Why?” that was a question that came into me, are they not happy with me. A perfect life that I love became my greatest nightmare. Tears falls from my eyes as I look back hoping that everything was just a dream but it was real, it was reality. They were all gone.
“You’re a fool” she said “You spend too much time here, take a step and move on. Don’t let the past barge into your present life”
I frown and said “This makes me happy.” For so long I stay in this crossroad reminiscing the time, hoping everything will be the same that I will be with them again. Remembering them makes me forget about pain and makes me forget that they were all gone. I surround myself with their memories this makes me happy, this is what I thought makes me happy.
“Happy?” she question “Is this really makes you happy? You torture yourself waiting for something that will never happen again” She looked at me with pity and slowly disappear.
I put down the mirror and asked “Do I make a wrong choice?” But I don’t know the answer all I know is that this is my own decision and no one ask me for this.
I knew it already end, but I insist on staying longer in this crossroad more than the necessary time, I lose the happiness and I lose the things I supposed to go through. I failed to take chances, I failed to accept changes and I did not grab the challenge that offered to me. I don’t know where I got the courage to take a step or I don’t even know if it is really a courage that I can call but whatever it is, I know it helps me a lot. As I move forward trying to let go things, trying to forget the pain, trying to forget the things that crash my heart, my life change as if the whole universe turns differently.
I waited, just like waiting for Lazarus rise from the dead for the third time, how fool I am. Shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters most is that I have to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished but this is something that I didn’t do. I live my life behind and because of this I forgot about what really life is all about and that there is some place waiting for me to explore something that I failed to take because of my foolishness. Though it’s hard to leave everything behind but this is something I need to be done because I need to heal the pain rooted in my heart, to live again just like before, and to dream once again because I know there is something out there for me something I need to reach.
Little by little I got a chance to see life more clearly and see how fool I am to live my life from the past, past that I can no longer have. I was in a wrong path I know, I am, but still I’m happy that I got a chance to see it, to find it out though it takes me a long time. So I must put a closure, an ending to my past life for me to start a new and exciting chapter of my life.
“You cannot come in.” The old man said at the entrance of the gate and I ask why.
“Because I don’t want too.”
My mind tells me he say it for the pleasure of saying it. I frown but I try to explain that I travel so far to reach it. I try to be nice at him hoping for mercy but I receive nothing.
I look back, I see road that starts to fade, I look at him and I feel like I’m giving up because he does not want me to come in.“No!” she said “just try one last time” then I did.
I stand up straight, look at him there is only one way left. I need to force him to let me enter and so I did. I move forward to the gate and in my amazement he just look at me and do nothing to stop me to enter. I take last glance at him before I leave then I see two other people arrive and they too walk in. The man does not even try to stop them like he did to me. I smile as I move on and realize that sometimes we need fight over for things that we want and we need to persist so that we can have the goal that we want.
I move forward carrying the scars from the past trying to be who I am and not being who I was. I don’t know where life will take me but all I know is that I will always have those scars in me and I accept that it will be forever.
“Hi,” voice I heard a voice from behind. I stop and look he smile and say Hi. “I guess pareho tayo nang daanan. Can we walk together?”
“I don’t know him. Why should I?” I told myself and look at him.
“Please.” He smile at me
Even I don’t want him too because I want to be alone, I need to have my own time but still I let him because I don’t want to be called rude and because I feel something for him that I can’t describe.
“Wait! Wait!” he said as we walk on our way. I stop, trying to look irritated in front of him.
“Can you hold Chicky for me?” he ask. He was holding a newly born chicken.
I have no choice but to hold it which immediately tried to escape. The more I try to squeeze it in my hands, the more the chicken struggled.
“You scare her,” I quickly look at him and he was smiling at me. “Hold her gently” I obeyed him. I opened my hands and the chicken stopped on struggling.
“You know what they were also like us humans” he slowly get the chicken from my hand “the more you try to hold them the harder they try to escape but if you are good to them sila pa mismo ang lalapit sayo and of course they will stay beside you and never leave you .” I make a glance at him and it was the first time I stare at him and the very first time my heart start to beat so fast.
“May dumi ba ako sa mukha?” he ask
“Wala” I immediately said then look another direction. I don’t know what was his next expression I never have guts to look at him after he caught me. I smile as I walk.
He makes me feel comfortable through our journey together he was so easy to be with and easy to laugh with. I feel like I know him for so long but I can’t recognize him no matter how I try to remember.
“You look so tough but actually you’re not.” I heard him say
I look at him and smile then go on I’m trying not to mind him but I start to be alarmed “What did he mean about that?” I ask my mind.
“You have to tell them how you feel, how much you got hurt, they have to know you’re tired, you have to show them you cry.”
“Stop saying none sense.” I said. I start to feel irritable.
“None sense?” he mock “Why do you keep it all within you? Why?”
I hate his question and I don’t want to answer his question, no one ask me that kind of question not even my closes friends, not even my family.
“How this stranger asked me this kind of question? A kind of question I don’t know to answer.” I told myself.
“Why do you need open this one? Sino ka ba? You’re just a stranger in my life” I told him
“Yes you’re right I’m a stranger in you. But for me you are my companion, my friend.”
I sarcastically smile and turn my back at him I’m ready to leave but he hold my hand
“I want to know why.” he told me looking straight to my eyes.
“Gusto mong malaman yung totoo?”
He nod
“Because I don’t want them to know my weakness, because I don’t want them to know that I’m hurt and how they can hurt me. I don’t what them to know anything!” feelings are just like a volcano bursting from my heart for so long this thing are kept deep in my mind and in my heart but I finally turn them into sounds. “Now you know. Are you satisfied?”
“It’s not wrong to show your emotion especially those things that you need too.”
“But for me it was so damn wrong!”
“You know what because of that your family, your friends they will never know how they will help you, they will never know that you need help maybe if they do they will just watch you coz they thought you can handle it, because they thought your strong enough to handle everything”
I was stun as I look at him. There were a lot of crucial moments that I was alone I have nothing but myself I thought that was right but as I look at him and what I heard from him I realize I was wrong. I was so damn wrong.
“You have to tell them what is inside of you, your true feelings for you to receive what you deserve.”
Tears start to fall unknowingly he smile at me and embrace me, I feel weak but protected in his arms. It’s nice to know that there is someone out there for you, someone who knows you and someone you feel safe. Every person in our life first becomes nobody before they become important people in our life.
“Thank you” I told him as I embrace back. But suddenly I remember one thing, I’m been with him for quite some time but I still don’t even know his name.
“Who are you?” I ask after he released me from his embrace.
He smile at me and said “Soon you’ll know who I am…soon” then he slowly disappear.
I look for him but I find no trace of him
“Don’t feel bad for something that needs to go” I voice I hear just like wind that blows into my ear “You still have long journey to take and we will see each other then.”
In our life we meet people that we want to be with us those who makes us happy, makes us laugh, and make us feel love and loved those are the people we want to spend the rest of our life that is why we are afraid to lose them and we try to hold them keep them around us but something that we failed to understands is that the more we try to keep them around the harder they will try to escape. They have their own life to live. There life will not only revolve around us and so we are. We never know what will lie ahead we just have to prepare our self what will happen next, if they leave hope you’ll see each other and if they will not then be contented for the life you share for now.
I sit down and wonder now. Again I am alone in this road and I ask myself what if I choose another path If I choose another way.
“The most useless thing in this world is to sit down and wonder what might happen if you choose another path.” I heard a familiar voice. I look back to see who it was. It was the old man that I saw on entrance. “You learn your lesson do not repeat the same mistakes again” He smile at me and start to walk again.
As I move forward in this road of life I realize that everything in this world move as well that nothing stay the same, changes is always in the corners. This road that I am taking now is the road that will lead me to my destine place, I place where I wanted to be, I place I dream of, a place where I belong.
But I don’t what to think about the future because for now I am happy and contented walking in this road. Meeting different People and I am with the people that make me happy makes me laugh and make me feel that life have its second chance.
My past, something that I love and always love they were a part of me that I can never bring back and I can no longer have and in my heart I accept wholeheartedly that it was gone, forever. But I am hopeful that someday I can walk again with the people of my past. To be with them again and make a new and wonderful memories to be remember.
The wind blows and I remember him, I feel the air that touches my skin as if it was holding me.
“I hope to meet you again soon.” I whisper it to the air. The wind strikes again as if he answer “Me too”
“Hey come on!” voices call me.
I smile as I turn my head to look at them. “I’m no longer alone” I told myself. I never been alone I just failed to recognize it before because of all those pains. My eyes are open for now and see things clearly.
I raise my right hand and said wait
I look back again to my previous road. Looking at it makes me realize how lucky I am for all the things that I get through, the pains, the hurts, the tears, the joy, the laughter, the learning’s, realization and experience that I gain in my journey, This is something that I am very sure that no one can take away from me.
“Thank you…and Goodbye” I said as I look at it.
I smile as I turn my back at my previous road and I see the sun that shine and smiling at me. There is another road I need to take, another crossroad but the difference from before now I am ready, without fear or hesitation, I am ready to face another road, another life, another hardship, I am ready to face the changes and challenges that life will offer me. I am ready because I am not alone I am with myself, with me is all the things that I learn and because I am with the people who believe in me. I am no longer afraid to face this crossroad I am willing to take this without apprehension coz this time around I have them and I have you.

March 16, 2011

Here I am nasa position ako na naguguluhan ako sa dapat kong gawin.. Pero bakit.. this is my chance to show the world how good I am.. how brave I am...kung gaano ko kakayanin na tumayo mapara sa maraming tao.. Pero bakit nga ba ako naguguluhan... Hindi na ako pwedeng mag isip.. wala na akong oras para mag isip.. I am near the dead end.. Kelangan na nang desisyon.. Ano ang dapat kong gawin.. Can somebody help me? Ewan ko ba.. Masyadong mabigat ang responsibilidad na maaring kong pasanin.. Kaya ko ba?? Magagawa ko ba yun nang tama..

Should I let people decide? Yes? No?

Oh my.. what ever happens tatanggapin ko lahat..tatanggapin ko ito nang buo..

La Salle Araneta

La Salle Araneta

Every Passing Day of Life
There is a place I knew so much
Even if I close my eyes
I can see its image in the dark

How can I forget the place?
Were I stay here in 12 years
Add more years before I leave
15 years before marching


The Trees that dance in the air
And birds that humming everyday
The wide green field I see
This place really amaze me

In my ears forever I will hear
Singing the areneta hymn
Even the alma mater hymn
Hail hail my beloved university

My Own Work

My own work

I can write my own poem
Something I can call my own
Something I can be proud of
A work that can whisper my soul

In years my lips are sealed
That my heart aches in fear
In this poem I will reveal
What Dwells within.

What Dwells within?
No one knows but me
How pain consumes me
Even my friends can’t see

Years already passed
But it’s so clear in my heart
How pain turns me
Into someone I’m not

My heart crash once
Picking up is hard
But it also helped me
How to smile back

Now you have my poem
That whispers my own soul
Now I can say I’m proud
That this is my own work

Play

Kanina lang ay nanood ako nang play.. At habang naka upo ako kasama nang ilang college friends ko at nanonood hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili na ma alala ang mga panahon noong high school ako.. tuwing may play feast...Mga panahon na gumagawa ako nang sound effects.. yung time na nag pra-practice sila para sa play.At Habang naka upo at nanonood I can't help but to compare.. Yes magaling ang mga umaarte pero hindi ko mapigilan na icompara sila sa play na nagawa naming mga HIghschool noon.. Habang nanonood kasi ako sa tingin ko mas marami pang magagaling na play akong na panood noong highschool kesa sa napanood ko.. Sa Last part nang play habang kinakasal yung taong mahal niya na para siyang nababaliw meron akong biglang naalala yung part nung play namin nung 4th year... yung 1st transformation ni Dr. Jekyll... Kahit na ilang beses ko na nakita yung sa practice kinilabutan ako nung napanood ko na yun on stage .. at para sa akin one of the outstanding performance yun parang gusto kong mag tatalon noon.. Hindi lang ako ang nakaramdam noon kung hindi lahat nang naroroon.. napa tayo pa nga ang principal namin noon at pumapalakpak.. kita ko iyon dahil nasa likod ako doing my job as musical diirector..Pero yung dun sa babae wala akong maramdaman, kulang.. But then alam ko na may igagaling pa sila.. Habang na nonood din tinanong ko ang sarili ko kung kelan kaya ulit ako makakasama sa ganung production..kelan kaya ulit ang play.. kelan kaya ulit ako gagawa nanang mga sound effects.. Kelan kaya.. Ang Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde na ba ang huli.. haist...

Un-expected blog

Yeah unexpected blog.. hindi ko naman kasing plinano na mag sulat ngayon o mamaya o bukas sa dami nang ginagawa... Pero nang makita ko ang picture ko noong Highschool bigla akong nag karoon nang gusto na mag sulat.. Wala lang nakakatuwa lang... Kung paano na ibabalik nang mga picture ang mga alaala na unti unti nang nawawala sa isip ko... Kung paano rin na ibabalik nito ang mga masasayang alaala, mga tawanan, mga kalokohang di paawat at mga alaalang nag hubog sa akin upang maging sino ako ngayon..
Nakaktuwa... dahil sa dami nang mga ginagwa ko... nakakimutan ko na ang ilan.. But thanks to those picture unti unti ko nanaman naaalala ang lahat.. Ma Mimiss ko nanaman ang lahat.. muli nanaman akong hihiling sa langit na sana makita ko na ulit ang mga taong sobrang importante sa buhay ko.. mga tao na nag sisilbing kasiyahan ko.. yun bang makasama at makita ko lang sila masaya na ako... Pero kailangan mang yari ang lahat.. kailangan mag kalayo layo.. para masubok kung gaano ka tatag ang samahan, kung sino ang may mahinang paniniwala... Alam kong darating oras na muli kaming mag kikita.. alam ko darating yun.. Pero sa ngayon.. Kelangan lang munang ayusin ang mga bagay bagay sa sarili namin para pag nag kita kita kami mas magiging masaya.. dahil maraming kwento... :D

Letter for BM

I knew that day will come; I knew that day will happen and the days that we had, must faced its final bow. But during the times that we are together, during our happy days, those moments I love most, those wonderful time, those moments I pretend it will never happen and so when the day comes, when reality came in front of my face, when we needed to separated and be departed my world stops and start to fall apart and I keep on asking why.
Everyday I keep on questioning things around me, why things need to be that way and why we need to be separated. There were times and moments when I questioned God, why we need to be that way, why we need to walk on different path, and why He let me feel so much heartaches.
I felt so alone, no one was there for me but pain in my heart. Every day I cry for sadness coz I miss you, my heart is broken, a wreck, because you are not around. I need you like an air so I can breathe; I need you like water for me to continue from living.
A lot of changes that happen after we depart our ways and it hurt me a lot. I cannot do anything to help myself from hurting even I try to fight it or ignore it I won’t win maybe because what I had is a different kind of pain, pain that is hard to endure just like a cancer consuming my soul.
Copping up is hard to do, it is because I need to stay at De La Salle Araneta, in this place, our alma matter where we used to walked, we used to laugh, and we used to dream. Everything reminds me of what I used to be, what we used to be, our memories, something that I knew I can never bring back. And so every time I step my foot at the premises of the university it breaks my heart into pieces.
I am on my own and it so hard to accept that you were not around me any longer, my strength leave me, I felt so weak and no one was there for me but my own pain and our memories. Time passed, two years had already gone, and still nothing changes. I still have this pain; it became my companion, my best friend in two years. Good thing it helps me to move on somehow coz in two years it is the only thing that hurt me and it let me endure any other painful things around me.
No one knows how much pain I’m into or how much broken I am inside. My family, my friends they don’t even have a clue what I had. I continue living for two years just like a shadow that need to follow his master, like water that flows, like an air that blows. I pity myself somehow coz I felt like I’m the only one who felt such pain, pain that crushes my heart, seeing you happy and contented in your life makes me jealous, makes me miserable coz you can live without me but I cannot live without you.
I came to the point and I asked myself why I still have the same pain as before, why it hurt me every passing day of my living, why I still keep it deep in my heart, I asked myself if I deserve such pain. At that point I try look at myself and I see different person, I found someone far different from who I am. Pain turns me into someone who I am not; it turns me into someone I should not suppose to be.
I started to hate myself for what I saw and damned me for what I become because of my own doing, because I let the pain live in my heart . I came to the point, a realization that I need to fix myself, to heal the pain for my own good.
Help comes from within I remember that words that makes me realize that I should start to fix my puzzled heart, to pick up the missing piece of my life. No one in this world can help me if it will not start from me, no one can help me if I continue to close my doors from the people around. Certainly everything in life begins in me.
Life is good; I got the chance to figure out things that I need too. That there are certain things in this life that I cannot stop, something that I cannot change coz only God can. It’s not yet too late to overcome the pain, it’s not yet too late to stand up from my hard fall, it is time to climb up and be the person that I should be.
Rainy days are over; sunshine is starting show and I see hope. Today I should focus more on the now, the reality of life, fulfill the life we once dream of. What happened from the past, what happened to us is really part of life, people come and go. I am happy you came across, you made me happy, you made me laugh, you taught me so many good things in life and forever I’ll be grateful and thankful for all the learning’s that I gain from you. I love you and I will always do and forever you will always have a special space in my heart.
Soon enough I’ll be fine, soon the pain that I planted will be cut off, soon I can be a better person, soon I can face you and tell you this is me now, a person you can be proud of, soon we can laugh together about the past and make another moments to remember, and soon enough we can hold each other hand and never let it go.